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Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 8

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Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 8

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The following is unedited from the original document except for formatting. Lines may have been rewritten during recording and/or editing.

Script

*Fade in, Giroro is shocked to see the room is filled with toys*

Giroro: What the hell is this?! You were supposed to buy weapons!

Keroro: Well, you say you wanted weapons, but “weapons” spelled backwards is… “toy”, so yeah… okay, it’s “snopaew” but whatever.

Giroro: SNOPAEW YOU TOO!

Tamama: Oh come on, Mr. Giroro! They keep my cheeks warm!

Kululu: They keep my bowels warm.

Dororo: They keep ME warm!

Mois: If I punch in a bunch of numbers, I make it confused! …Yay! Syntax error!

Keroro: So Mois, how much of our budget is left?

Mois: *Upbeat* We have bupkis!

Keroro: …In metric, please.

Mois: We’re broke.

Giroro: …We’re…broke…?!

Keroro: Grab some glue and pull yourself together, Giroro! I’ve got a plan to get our money back.

Giroro: Sell it back to retail?

Keroro: I said “plan”, not “cop-out”.

*Cuts to meeting room, pans out from screen*

Keroro: *Excited* And this is what Earth is gonna look like when we conquer it! *Getting close to bursting out laughing* It’s gonna have a FLAG… AAGH!!!

Giroro: As much as I love flags, we need an actual plan here.

Keroro: *Wagging finger* Don’ be stu-peeehd, you gotta contribute if you wanna criticize, Giroro.

Giroro: You can’t do anything.

Keroro: *Whiny* You’re doing it wro-ong!

Kululu: Heheh, we could sell Dororo for cash.

Dororo: *Scoff* I am not your little brother!

Kululu: Oh you know it works.

Dororo: I am not my little brother!

Mois: *Raising hand* I’ve got an idea, Uncle!

Keroro: Yeeees?

Mois: *Thinks about it* Hmm, but it might take a lot of work…

Everyone: WHAT?!

*Scene transitions to Natsumi*

Natsumi: *Confused* A cartoon? How would I know how they make cartoons?

Keroro: *Serious* Because you’re the only girl with pink hair. Squeaky squeak. Squeaky.

Natsumi: *Sarcastic* And I’m regretting it already.

Fuyuki: Sarge, you don’t know the intricacies of animation. You need a whole team of sweaty guys, and you need all of them to draw every single frame.

Keroro: A team of sweaty guys? I live with a team of sweaty guys! *Slyly* One of them’s sweatier than the others. You get it, Fuyuki? Get the joke, Fuyuki? Skeet, bang, my nigg- no?

Fuyuki: Wait, Giroro doesn’t shower?

Keroro: I’m just gonna ask your mom.

*Cuts to Aki’s work*

Aki: *Casual* You realize these drafts are…blank, right?

Guy: ‘Ey, Ms Hinata, you got some guests.

Keroro: *Yelling* Hi Mrs. Woman! I live in your basement!

Tamama: And I’m a faggot!

*Cuts to Aki setting down binders*

Aki: Well, as you can see, I couldn’t find anything that’ll help you.

Keroro: *Sad* Not even a coloring book…?

Aki: *Cheery* Just kidding! Everything you’ll need is in this book. Hehe, aren’t I a goof.

Keroro: I dunno, you’re kinda- oh, you’re flirting with me.

*Cuts to meeting room*

Keroro: Alright platoon, are we ready?

Everyone: *Unenthusiastic* Yeeees.

Keroro: Well you don’t sound into it, so to lighten the mood here’s a joke! What did the river say to the ocean? Nothing! It just waved! A-ha-ha!

Everyone: Other way around.

Keroro: Ha, he-he-he, WATER.

*Cuts to Keroro reading book, caption says “Keroro – Scripting”*

Keroro: The script is the foundation of your entire project. You must remember to write it with proper grammar and spelling, and to have it flow, AXE spray does not work. *Squints*

*Sits up* Well I knew that! Time to write this bad boy a new one! Okay, first line. “Heeeellooooo…” Alright! We’re off to a great start!

*Later that day*

Keroro: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SPELL “HELLO”?! Does it have an “H”?! *Squeaking* WHAT THE FUCK’S an “H”?!

*Cuts to Tamama, caption says “Tamama – Storyboards*

*Door slides open*

Keroro: Huuun…?

Tamama: Sarge! Do you have your script for me!

Keroro: Hun, if you really love me, just go on without me.

Tamama: …Who the fuck is Keror-?! ooohhh… Oh well, time to storyboard.

*Later that day*

Tamama: Aaand I’m bored. Awww yeah. Ahead of the game now- *suddenly sad* who am I fucking kidding?

*Cuts to Giroro, caption says “Giroro – Animation”*

Giroro: *Reading* If you feel a pain in your vagina, then someone’s talking about you.

Tamama: *Outside the door* Ow…!

*Door opens, Tamama gives him the paper*

Tamama: *Incomprehensible gibberish* - fatass…

Giroro: …At least I’m PRETTY! Whatever, I can draw this whole thing myself.

*Scribbles some*

Giroro: Done.

*Picture is Mint’s Hints*

Giroro: Seventeen years THAT, De Vinci!

Dororo: *Opens door* Giroro, I’m here to color what you have while you’re still working.

Giroro: *Exhausted* No need to do that, Dahrahrawrrr… I was on such a roll that I did it myseeeeeeeelf…

Dororo: Giroro, what happened to you?!

Giroro: *Sharp inhale* coloring…

*Cuts to Kululu, caption says “Kululu – Backgrounds”*

Kululu: *Staring blankly* Nurrrrrrrrrrrrrr-HEGH!

Dororo: Hard to believe, but these are…good.

Tamama: So where did you steal them from?

Kululu: Ha, ha, ha, ha…ha- *Serious* it was Haruhi.

Everyone: OOOHH!!!

*Cloud says “Project cancelled”*

Keroro: Maaaan…

Dororo: I don’t wanna do this anymore.

*Cuts to Sumomo*

*Sumomo is singing in Lilly’s voice*

Mois: Hmm, she’s not very good at this.

Sumomo: Come on, what the fuck do you want from me?! A can-can?

Mois: You can dance?

Sumomo: *Singing* DO THE CAN-CAN LIKE A TWAT.

Narrator: Yeah hey, I’m still here. Anyway, Keroro and the platoon fly down to the animation studio directed by this guy. Director.

Keroro: Can anybody tell me where I’m going? I forgot to finish a blink.

*Opens door to conference room*

Keroro: Here we go, now we can see how you’re supposed to make a cartoon.

*Shows script*

Giroro: They have a strict budget!

Dororo: And paper!

Kululu: *Flat* This isn’t even English.

Keroro: I wonder if they’ll notice that their scripts are floating…

Director: *Dastardly* By the way, did I tell you guys about our new, strict security measures? Anyone caught invisible is shot on sight.

*Door opens and closes*

Animator 1: *Dull voice* I’m an animator!

Keroro: Heheh, an animator, huh?

Animator 1: I have to get to drawing!

Keroro: THAT’S what he does?! How can he live with himself?!

Animator 1: Why a stopwatch?! WHY?!

Tamama: What is a stopwatch?!

Dororo: *Runs in* I DON’T KNOOOOOW!

Kululu: *Sinister* It’s because there’s time now. Time enough at last!... It’s a joke! LAUGH!

*Animators start drawing*

Giroro: You have to be good at drawing to do this?! Huh…Military school, you’ve prepared me for nothing.

Animator 2: *To herself, puzzled* I just don’t know what to do; I’ve never seen a spine before…

Giroro: I know your pain. Us artists have a connection. I love you, my unknown lady friend. Oh, Natsumi, I’m sorry. Could you ever forgive me? I know it’s hard, but you can make it. You’re so strong, my love, but you JUST CAN’T DRAW!

Keroro: *Slyly* You having another meltdown Giroro? Get it, cause you’re sweating!? AH!

Animator 2: *Turns to Animator 3* Does this look like a kangaroo?

Animator 3: No… THIS does.

*Does awkward pose, bone crack is heard*

Animator 2: *Sweetly* Thanks, Biff.

Giroro: Of course! I need a guy named “Biff”!

Keroro: I’m pretty sure Tamama and I can model for you.

Tamama: *Slyly* You should see the positions we get into. My favorite is-

*Keroro and Tamama doing a bizarre pose*

Tamama: THE SODA CRACKER!

Keroro: WE DO THIS ONE WHEN WE’RE DRINKING…

Dororo: Am I the only one who finds this kinda hot?

Kululu: It’s cause you’re still wearing that apron.

Giroro: And the pink poofy things.

Keroro: HE-LLO?!

Giroro: Yeah, I don’t think I can draw that…

Dororo: *Snicker* Come now, you can’t give up so soon.

Kululu: Just sit back…*snickers*…and examine the pose…

Giroro: Heh…I guess…NOW I give up.

Tamama: *Opens fridge* Fuud?

Giroro: *Opens cabinet* Colored pencils…oh now you’re just mocking me.

Dororo: *Opens door* My god, that is a fitting metaphor.

Kululu: *At computer, amused* Top ten fears, you shouldn’t post that on Facebook.

Dororo: I’ve got 99 problems and I can’t solve any of them.

Tamama: How can you live on string cheese and butter? That’s a pussy’s game!

Giroro: Real men live on Kool-Aid powder!

*Keroro is heard smooching the air, They turn to look at him*

Keroro: *High-pitched voice* Oh Sarge you’re so good! *Turns* Huh? *Whiny* Wha-at? ... So did you guys find anything?

Director: We are not changing the show name to “Mint’s Hints”!

Keroro: What the-?!

Animator 4: But sir, we’re already ripping off Clover’s Disc-overs…

Animator 5: I don’t recognize my children!

Director: Changing a show’s name costs time and money, but mostly work, and I don’t need to tell you how lazy I am.

Keroro: Well said, good sage.

*Cut to outside*

Giroro: So I guess we’re stealing Mint’s Hints?

Dororo: Mints make me lonely.

Keroro: Gentlemen, gentlemen. We have two options to choose from. A, we give up, or Jeopardy, we steal the Mint’s Hints name.

Tamama: I’ll take “what is a give up” for 200, please?

Keroro: I agree to Jeopardy! Now who’s with me! *French anthem starts playing*

Everyone: Yaaaay…

*Cut to theater*

Narrator: After days of toiling over crumpled paper, their first animation is ready to air.

*Mint’s Hints starts playing, occasionally the camera shows the platoon’s reactions*

*Credits, final caption says “Yes, that picture’s official name is “Mint’s Hints. Dig the striped sweater. PS: Faggot: noun – a stick; a British pork dish; apparently a jet fighter”*

*Post-credits 1, in the theater*

Keroro: *Low* You know, I’m starting to rethink my application to the military. *Getting slowly louder* I’ve been sitting on Dororo’s poofy thingy for a WHILE NOW! And it’s PRETTY DAMN COMFY!

*Post-credits 2, Keroro is smooching and talking with himself as Tamama*

Keroro: Excuse me, this is a private janitor’s closet!

Mop: Dang man, Mop needs him a cigarette!

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