|Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 5|
Main episode article
*Dark Momoka appears*
Narrator: This is Momoka. Anyway…
Keroro: Yeah, I like ‘em, but I don’t want to build ‘em.
Fuyuki: That’s why I like Transformers better; it’s already done.
*Clattering on roof, Mois falls*
Keroro: Well that’s odd. So, FUCK Michael Bay.
Giroro: *Muffled* Why, Natsumi. How… expected of you. I knew you’d come around one day- now get off, baby; my gun’s on my crotch. MY GUN’S ON MY-
*Cuts to Mois lying on the couch*
Fuyuki: *Serious* Her brown skin… I’ve lost her in the couch.
Natsumi: *Slightly pissy* She’s blonde. How do you miss that?
Fuyuki: Cidihwaa? *Subtitle: ???*
*Mois sits up straight*
Keroro: *Spanish, upbeat* Did someone call me?
Keroro: *Spanish* Oh fuck.
Mois: *Pounces* UNCLE!!!
Natsumi: *Confused* “Uncle?”
Fuyuki: Are you related to Sarge?
Mois: *Nervous* Oh… It’s a Japanese thing. You wouldn’t understand.
Natsumi: *To herself* We are Japanese…
Mois: *Pulling up sweater vest* IS THIS NORMAL?!
Fuyuki: Si! Ai Coño!
Mois: *Embarrased* Woops, I guess I pressed the wrong button.
Keroro: Oh wow! You’re Mois? I haven’t seen you in years! For a second there, I was worried I’d seduced another poor girl with my charms.
Giroro: *Heavily muffled* HA!!!
Natsumi: *Confused* Uhh… that “uncle” thing?
Mois: Well, Uncle Keroro’s family has been friends with mine for generations. He used to take me to Disneyland, *shows Eiffel Tower* he’d take me to the Dollar Store, *shows a dump* and even to the Post Office! *Shows a forest fire*
Mois: *Nostalgic* I still remember when he used to pick me up from school. *Shows a car wreck*
Fuyuki: *Crying* My mom never took me to the Dollar Store!
Mois: *Sweetly* My Uncle Keroro means so much to me.
Keroro: Mois…? No. Not in front of Natsumi; she’s a minor.
Giroro: *Muffled* And it’s okay!!!
Natsumi: *Slightly annoyed* Giroro, do you want in or something?
Giroro: *Weakly* You dropped your phone, my love.
Natsumi: Dude, I don’t have a phone.
Giroro: Then Merry Christmas!!!
Mois: *Upset* No! Give it back! I need it to kill things!
Giroro: *Very pissed off* That was you?! Then I’m gonna waste all your minutes! Mwahahaha!
*Flies off, stops*
Giroro: Wait, did you say “kill things”?
Mois: *Calling out* Uh-huh! It turns into a spear, and I can split whole planets in half!
Giroro: …the fuck?
*Sandal hits phone out of Giroro’s hand, lands in Keroro’s hands*
Natsumi: *Yelling out* Hey, physics don’t work that way!
Giroro: Been waiting to use these for days.
*Presses button, snakes grab Mois and Natsumi*
Natsumi: *Struggling* Lemme go… this is not a good time for this…!
Mois: *Struggling* Uncle, please! Don’t you remember my sweet 1016? *Faded out* You brought me to that place with all the cars and we stood in the middle dodging everyone? And everyone was so nice to you! Remember: “get out of the way, dickhead”? And “wake up, you idiot”?
Keroro: *Singing to himself* Somewhere over the rain…cloud… there was… rain.
Giroro: Wake up, you idiot! Now’s your chance to be useful for once!
Keroro: *To himself* Useful…?! Do I want that responsibility…? But what if I let down Mois… and Fuyuki… and Natsum- Fuyuki…
Fuyuki: *Intense* Speed lines are cool!
Keroro: *Intense* But then again, speed lines are cool!
Keroro: *Click* Hello?
Tamama: Hi Sarge!
Keroro: Oh hey Tamama- how did you get this number?
Tamama: …I’m going through a tunnel.
Keroro: You got stuck.
Keroro: Where are you?
Tamama: I'm locked inside a car.
Keroro: Alright, don't worry, I'll come over an- what?
Tamama: I'm locked inside a car.
Keroro: Think about what you said for a minute.
Tamama: I said I'm locked inside th- Oooooooohhhh I see what’s wrong.
Tamama: *Locks door* Ok NOW I'm locked! Come get me, Sarge! *Click*
Keroro: …*Sigh* He’s worth it…he’s worth it.
Keroro: Here you go, Mois. I gotta go find my privates.
Narrator: *A few days later*
*Shows guys surrounding Asami*
Guy: ‘Ey, I can talk with my teeth closed!
Asami: *Low and threatening* Well… I can kick with my mouth closed.
Guy: Uuhhhh… ‘kay, if that don’t impress you, just take my money.
Asami: I don’t need your money; I’m homeless!
Guy: Well, if you insist…
Asami: *Serious* No seriously, gimme it.
*Dororo grabs wallet*
Dororo: Maybe Keroro will let me back inside, now.
*Cut to the house*
Natsumi: *Lovestruck* I’m so glad you could stop by, Saburo.
*Saburo opens mouth*
Dororo: Ms. Natsumi, we need to talk.
Tamama: LOOK AT MY TEETH.
Natsumi: *Seriously impressed* Whoa… NICE TEETH.
Keroro: OH GOD, THERE’S A LETTER IN MY EYE! Oh hey, what’s up?
Natsumi: There’s something these guys need to tell you.
Tamama: Well, I thought it was cool, but Hangnail had a problem with it!
Dororo: Harming others is wrong. But I did steal their wallet, like you said!
Keroro: Guys, if this is about Mois, it’s just a misunderstanding. All she does is girly shit *quieter* that I don’t want to do. But if you’re so curious, Kululu’s creepiness came in handy.
Kululu: *Spins around in chair* Don’t you want me, baby?
Keroro: *Sing* Oohhhh- no.
Mois: *Sweetly* I’m making this DVD specifically for my Papa.
Kululu: *Coughing nervously*
Mois: I found the planet I was looking for, and it turns out Uncle Keroro is here! So, I’ve been spending my day hanging out with him and helping him around his house. But I haven’t forgotten that important thing. Don’t worry, Daddy, I’ll do it just like I said.
Mois: *Running away* STOP FOLLOWING ME!
Kululu: Woops, forgot to take that one out.
Natsumi: So, what is she doing?
Fuyuki: Where is she going?
Keroro: When will she GET THE FUCK OFF ME!?
Mois: *On TV* Anyway, I gotta finish my morning routine and take my shower.
*Shower sounds from TV*
Mois: So, why didn’t you want to join me, Uncle?
Keroro: I didn’t know you were having one-whoa-ho-HEY!!!
Natsumi: *Nervous* Mois! How’s it goin’?
Mois: *Worried* Oh! You didn’t find out about that “important thing”, did you?
Fuyuki: Which one? We saw a few…
Mois: *Upset, partially crying, running out* Oh, I’m sorry, everyone!
*Everyone chases after her*
Keroro: No, wait! It’s not a secret; everybody hates Dororo!
Lesbo #2: I wish Natsumi was here!
Lesbo #1: I wish you were Natsumi!
Asami: God. Grow a pair, you two.
Fuyuki: Look! She’s stealing their money!
Lesbos: Take our money!
Asami: *Bemused* No, I really don’t want your money.
Keroro: She isn’t taking their money!… Whoa?
Natsumi: *Scolding* Mois! Leave those presumptuous idiots alone!
*Mois walks up from the side*
Mois: *Points at Asami, opens mouth wide* YOU LOOK LIKE ME.
Asami: *Stammering* Oh-… Oh yeah?! Well… *Runs away*
Natsumi: *Baffled, low* Whoa… She got you there, Mois.
Mois: *Narration* I came to this planet with a mission. But to do it, I had to find someone strong, and take their form.
Mois: *To herself, serious* Schoolgirls everywhere. They must be the ones in charge.
Mois: *Narrator* And that’s when I saw her…
Guy: ‘Ey! I can talk with my mouth open!
Asami: Well, I can defend these boys with my… teeth open!
Boy: Yep, she’s got this. We’re out of here!
Guy: Waaaah?! *Kicked in the face*
Mois: *Narration* Seeing her take on all those thugs by herself… I knew I’d found the right one.
Fuyuki: And that was when you crashed in our yard?
Mois: Yeah, it turns out she’s near-sighted.
Natsumi: *Casual* Well, at least that’s explained. But what’s this important mission you’re supposed to be-
Giroro: *Sitting in between her and Saburo* You guys need a new couch. There’s barely room for three people here.
Natsumi: *Slightly annoyed* Then why don’t you move…
Giroro: ‘Cause I can only be so subtle, babe. And there ain’t no subtlety on the battlefield.
*Saburo opens mouth*
Giroro: *Quickly* I love you.
Keroro: Hun, you think you can fan me a little faster there?
Tamama: Why do you people have to move? GOD.
Keroro: Hun, I carried you most of the- oh, forget it.
Fuyuki: So what are going to do with that girl? She’s clearly gonna be a problem.
Dororo: That poor child is clearly a runaway. *Closes eyes* I know the type.
Kululu: Dude, you don’t even know what street you live on.
Mois: *Energized* I agree! Let’s go find a street sign!
Keroro: Find the runaway.
Mois: *Still energized* Find the runaway!
*Cuts to alley as train rolls by*
Asami: *Laughs evilly* Missing my parents makes me evil.
Dororo: Excuse me young one…
I know what secret haunts your past
And the choices that remain.
You must follow what your heart deems true
And cast your curses to the rain.
Tap into the powers that be… *Asami walks away*
And she’s walking away from me. *Pulls off hood, Sad* Not even humans…?
Asami: *Irritated* God. You break up with somebody and all of a sudden they’re fucking Nikki Giovanni-. *Mois appears* Huh…?!
*Follows Mois into a building, sees another person who looks like her*
Asami: *Frightened mutterings*
*Runs into burger joint*
Cashier: WAKA WAKA!
*Asami panting as she runs*
Reporter on large TV: Big brother is always watching you.
*Runs away, everyone returns to normal*
Keroro: Oh sorry I didn’t record any of that. I had the lid on.
Tamama: I guess they don’t sell Waka Wakas on this planet.
Keroro: Tamama, you’re in a burger store. They sell burgers.
Giroro: Well, I didn’t know that.
Keroro: And now you know… yeah. Take that.
Asami: *Gasping for air* If I see… another look-alike… I’m gonna flip my shit…
Mois: Excuse me-
Mois: Uh- wow… Sorry?
Asami: You! What do you want from me?!
Mois: I know your past. I know that you’re a runaway, but you have to go back home.
Asami: *Defensive* I haven’t even exposited yet. How could you know I’m a runaway?
Mois: ‘Cause my uncle’s friends are hot shit!
Dororo: *From a distance* Well, THANK YOU, SOMEBODY!
Natsumi: *Quietly, behind the bushes* Keep going Mois! She’ll be back home where she belongs in no time!
Fuyuki: I sense some thick irony, here.
*Saburo opens mouth, Giroro squeezes in-between him and Natsumi*
Giroro: FOREVER IN THE MIDDLE!
*Kululu giggles to himself for 15 seconds straight*
Tamama: Stop… Sgt Major… Stop… For FUCK’S SAKE, Kululu!
Keroro: *Appears* I have a fish in my hat, guys! I call him “Boney”.
Mois: *Concerned* Please go home. Don’t make me force you.
Asami: What are you going to do? Split the world in half?
Mois: *Already transformed* Well gee! How’d you know?
Asami: What the fuck?!
*Mois hits the ground*
Mois: *Cheerful* And this is how I do it!
Keroro: No! WHERE DID BONEY GO?!
Dororo: Somebody needs to stop her!
Tamama: I’ll be the hero!
*Runs down the abyss*
Tamama: G.I. JOOOOOOOOE!!! *Gets quieter*
Keroro: Hun! No! We’re not in America- *not caring anymore* Oh, fuck it.
Mois: You know, considering my favorite Uncle is here and I love him lots and lots, you’d think I’d have thought this through.
*Pounds the ground one last time, planet splits in half*
*Camera pans down street from lamp*
Narrator: After several weeks of Kululu fixing everything… with tape…
Natsumi: Well, I guess that settles that.
Mois: Yep! She’s back home where she belongs.
Keroro: Hey, look at me wiggle my *Natsumi chokes him* BUTT…
Mois: Oh right! You guys wanted to know what my secret mission was!
Keroro, Fuyuki, Natsumi: Yeeees?
Mois: That was it!
Fuyuki and Natsumi: *Hopeless* Uuuhhhh…
Mois: *Flirty* So, uncllllle…
Tamama: …oooooOOOOOOOOOE!!! *Panting heavily* So what did I miss? *Collapses* Blegh…
Keroro: Kululu, this is my room.
Tamama: And mine.
Kululu: Ku, ku?
Giroro: Then what am I doing here?