|Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 4|
Main episode article
*Episode begins with spectators on-looking seal alien*
Reporter: We are live by Generic Japanese Bridge where a live Seel has been-
Random person: No! It’s a Pikac!
Reporter: …Has been spotted.
Now as we all know, Seel is the most original Pokemon ever. I mean, look at it. It’s a seal, named Seel! Why can’t the new generation be this original?
*Seal gets pulled out of water*
Seal alien: FUUUUUUUUUU-
*Keroro watching on TV*
Keroro: *Unimpressed* Any idiot can see that’s a Dewgong. Now cut to the title.
Keroro: Haha, yeeeeah…
*In Natsumi’s class*
Teacher: This is *has trouble with name* Cookie Azumanga Dayold Fries…
Koyuki: …Yeah, close enough…
Teacher: So, Cookie, you can take the desk next to Natsumi, since she’s the only one who has a future compared to all of you plebes.
Natsumi: Oh my god, hi Koyuki!
*Koyuki walks over to Natsumi, starts sniffing her*
Natsumi: *Embarrassed* Well, at least you’re more polite than my friends.
*Cuts to gym*
Lesbo #2: I always considered myself a really shy girl, but when High School started and I met Natsumi lesbian lesbian lesbian lesbian *keeps going*
Teacher: Alright, since Natsumi’s the only one here with any athletic ability whatsoever, she’s going to show you how useless you all are.
Natsumi: Thanks, Mrs. PMS!
Teacher: *Sweetly* You’re welcome, sweety.
*Natsumi does the flip*
Koyuki: You call that overkill? I’ll show you overkill.
*“Hearts on Fire” starts playing, Koyuki jumps and does a huge backflip, crashes through a window*
*Close-up of Natsumi, “DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT” floating above her head*
Lesbo #1: *squeals*
Teacher: Okay fuck! There’s two of ‘em now!
*Cuts to Natsumi and Fuyuki talking*
Natsumi: So we looked outside to find her but she wasn’t there.
Fuyuki: Oh yeah, same thing happened with Tamama today.
Koyuki: Tamama? That sounds like a name!
*Cuts to Koyuki at her house*
Dororo: How was school today?
Koyuki: *Annoyed* Fiiiine…
Dororo: Did you eat the lunch I made you?
Dororo: Was it good?
Koyuki: Hey, I think I found your friends!
Dororo: …Was it good?
Koyuki: *Really annoyed* Yeeees.
Dororo: Good. And those friends you speak of: they’re no friends of mine. I split from their ranks a long time ago.
Koyuki: You’ve been here a week.
Dororo: A LONG TIME AGO.
Koyuki: Less then a week, even.
Dororo: LONG TIME!!
Koyuki: Alright, a long time ago. But maybe I can go out and find them for you. *More upbeat* Maybe they’re looking for you!
Dororo: *Squeaky voice* …You think they might?
*Koyuki gets dressed, jumps out, crawls through vents, sees the platoon*
Koyuki: They don’t do shit!
The green one’s being a doofus, the black and white one’s reading, and I can take a guess what the yellow one’s watching.
*Giroro walks in*
Giroro: So, it turns out that seal was a scam.
Keroro: Oh wow, you got a Dewgong? I’ll trade you for a Charizard!
Giroro: No! It’s mine!
*Throws card, cuts Koyuki’s mask*
Koyuki: No, paper, why have you betrayed me?!
Giroro: Fuck, we gotta get it back.
Keroro: Alright guys, let’s go help him find it.
Koyuki: I gotta get out of here or Natsumi will think I-
Natsumi: Koyuki? *Freaking out* Why does every girl I meet try to sneak into my house?!
Fuyuki: It happened again?
Keroro: Hey, Fuyuki, have you seen a Dewgong card? Oh hey, Plot Device. Heheh, it’s funny because we don’t have a plot.
Giroro: I smell lesbian… *Pulls out gun, threatening* I don’t like competition.
Keroro: *Offscreen* When did you become a lesbian?
Dororo: *Offscreen* Lower your gun, Corporal!
*Woosh, jumps in front of moon, lands in front of the platoon*
Keroro: Oh my god… No fucking way… Hang on, I got this one!
Dororo: It’s Dororo.
Keroro: DOROROooowhen did you change it from Zeroro?
Dororo: When I became a ninja.
Keroro: Oh yeah, that makes perfect sense. So… *snaps fingers* Pants, where have you been?
Dororo: Oh like you care!
Keroro: Yeah, you’re right we don’t. Come on guys, let’s go play Monopoly!
Giroro: Dibs on the racecar!
Dororo: Get back here! I had a monologue!
Keroro: *Annoyed* Okaaay, fine.
Dororo: I was stranded in the woods with a broken leg. I expected you to search for me, but an eternity went by and NOTHING.
Koyuki: *To herself* Well, it felt like an eternity.
Dororo: I take my leave now. Don’t try to find me.
*Poofs, leaves a note, Keroro picks it up*
Keroro: He left his address. 9… ssssssssssss- 4… So Giroro, you wanted the car?
*Cuts to Viper*
Viper: *Serious* Aw, poor Zeroro. So, one of Keroro’s most skilled warriors has split from the team? *Sinister* Perfect. If I can eliminate the one, the rest will surely follow. *Fires a shot* Okay, how the fuck do I miss a picture?!
Snake: *Slides in from the side* Plug into the second controller port!
*At the Hinata house*
Keroro: We had some great times growing up with Zeror- no wait, what’s that dumbass calling himself now?
Keroro: Door knocker! Yeah, we played games like “Zeroro Plays Chicken with a Bullet Train”, “Zeroro Dies”, “Zeroro Hides-and-We-Take-His-Stuff-Seek”… “Zeroro Dies”. My favorite was “Zeroro Goes to the Hospital”. Giroro and I would play with his crutches while he was comatose; we’d pretend to be pirates!
Aki: *Cheery* You guys are the best friends! I’m going to make a seven-volume manga series called “Games to Play with Your Kids”! It’ll sell a million copies!
Tamama: …I think she’s a ditz…
Keroro: I like her tits, too.
*Flashes back to when they were kids*
Li’l Keroro: You better not hit the brake, or you’re going to break, haha, our friendship! *Geek laugh* OH FUCK BRAKE BRAKE!
Li’l Zeroro: FREEEEINSHIIIP! *Crashes*
Adult Keroro: So after we waited for him to wake up, we went to his house.
*Cuts to Zeroro’s house*
Li’l Keroro: Wow, Zerowrow! You actually live in a house!
*Zeroro’s Mom pops in*
Mom: Lewis, why did you bring more friends over? Everyone’s sick. And I don’t feel like paying them to hang out with you for more than two minutes.
Zeroro: No, Mom. These are real friends, for once.
Mom: Oh thank god. I was running out of money. *Cough cough, bowing*
*Zeroro’s room, Giroro has “Damnit damnit damnit” above his head*
Keroro: Wow, Laryngitis, you sure have a lot of stuff. Can we be best friends forever?
Zeroro: Does that mean what I think it means?
Keroro: What do you think it means?
Zeroro: Uh, something with bells, gold rings, white dresses and stuff.
Keroro: W-…what? *Continues on for a bit*
*Starts going through puberty*
No! N-No! No! What the fuck, man? That was so wrong I just hit puberty! Thanks, asshole!
Adult Keroro: We played all the time after that. We pretended that he was our own evil space gerbil, and then we made him go face-to-face with the evil space gerbil next door.
*Flashes forward to Hinata house*
Keroro: You might think we were being dicks, but by putting him through hell, we were making him swifter. We were actually training him to be a ninja!
Giroro: After I saw Karate Kid, I made him paint my fence.
Keroro: It was our plan to make him a badass assassin the entire time!
*Cuts to Dororo and Koyuki*
Dororo: Does this planet ever stop having a full moon?
Viper: Hey, I’m going to take you guys hostage, if you don’t mind.
Dororo: Yeah, whatever. Haaang on-
*Cuts back to house*
Keroro: And that’s why I’m certain he’ll never let us down!
Giroro: Hey, guess who just got captured? *Throws postcard*
Keroro: … Yep…lost my motor skills… and now my sex drive.
Tamama: I WILL REBUILD IT IF IT KILLS ME!!!
*Cuts to valley with Viper, Dororo and Koyuki*
Koyuki: You’ll never get away with this!
Viper: Loser says what-what? Hah! Viper: 2, You: 0!
Koyuki: Oh, he got you there, Dororo.
Dororo: Just kill me already.
Keroro: Hey! … He’s got Cookie! Let’s kick his ass!
*Immediate cut to Keroro on the ground*
Keroro: *Delirious, without moving mouth much* Alright great job team, we kicked his ass.
Giroro: You didn’t do anything!
Viper: *Villanous* Nothing can save you now except for a shitty Deus ex Machina! Hahahaha!
Keroro: Dororo… listen to me… I’m the one who broke your music box! Remember?
Li’l Keroro: La-la-la-la-la. La-l-
*Knocks music box over*
Adult Keroro: Yeah, like that!
*Cuts back to present*
Keroro: Now be motivated, damnit!
No? … Oh, I’ve got it! Chocolate-covered friendship speech!
No? … Just do something!
Dororo: Dependency motivation activated.
*Pulls out sword, cuts ropes*
Viper: Really?! That’s what motivates him?! Fuck this; I’m outta here.
Keroro: We sure showed him, guys!
Dororo: Indeed, Keroro. You see, I learned something today.
Dororo: …You know what? Fuck you guys, I’m not in the team!
*Poofs, leaves another note*
Keroro: He left us a lipstick mark. You know, I’m starting to think he’s almost as gay as me.
Koyuki: That’s not my address…
Keroro: And then we played “Zeroro Takes His Lunch Money”.
Fuyuki: He’d take his own lunch money?
Keroro: Yep! Then he’d buy his lunch, and we’d beat him up and take it! And then there was “Spam the Hammer”. You just smash the guy’s hand until he cries, and when he does he wins! The winner goes to the doctor! Zeroro won all the time; Giroro and I never had a turn, he was so good at that game. He was so happy he was in tears.
Giroro: Remember “Zeroro Licks a Fire Hydrant in Winter”?
Keroro: Yeah, we had to use a flamethrower to get him off! Remember when we played baseball and we filled his helmet full of tuna. So when he went up to bat, he hit the ball and all the cats started chasing him, and we were yelling “Go, Stinky, go!”
Li’l Zeroro: *In pain* I love you guys!
Giroro: Hey, doesn’t this contradict the last episode? I thought Doorbell was supposed to come back to the team.
Dororo: Hey, I’m back in the team.
Keroro: There we go. Who wants to play “Evil Space Gerbil” again?