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Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 2 (script)

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Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 2

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Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 2

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Episode 3

The following is unedited from the original document except for formatting. Lines may have been rewritten during recording and/or editing.

Script

Aki: And that’s what a period really is.

Natsumi: *Shocked* Oh my god Mom, we didn’t ask…

Fuyuki: *Shocked sounds*

Aki: *Quickly* Glad you understand. Now, what are we going to do with the frog...

Natsumi: *Irritated* We can hit him with your motorcycle.

Aki: I was thinking a room.

Natsumi: *Irritated* I like my idea better.

Fuyuki: You mean he gets to stay?

Natsumi: *Shocked* Mom, did you forget what happened today already?

Aki: Hey, you were asking for it.

Natsumi: What-?!

Aki: I love you too!

Keroro: Ahh, reminds me of something my dad told me. *Turns dark, whispers* Natsumi’s a whore...

*Natsumi kicks Keroro into the wall*

Natsumi: *Annoyed and deadpan* There. I made him a room.

Keroro: *Muffled* Could you also bring me my luggage...?

*Aki opens trapdoor*

Aki: *Calling out* Is anyone dead down there?! *Cheeky* Just kidding. I got some weirdo in glasses to clear the ghost out.

Fuyuki: ...Harold Ramis?

Aki: *Quickly* I dunno. It was some guy from Florida. Come on down!

*Turns on light*

Aki: *Sweetly* And here’s your room, Keroro.

Keroro: *In Spanish* Finally! You got me a choo-choo! *English* What the fuck...

Aki: *Giddy* Don’t you love it? It’s a heaven of splinters and asbestos! It’s just like an apartment. You even have a roommate! *Calls out* Hi honey!

Haru: *Muffled* LOVE YOU BABYYYY!

Keroro: I don’t even have a bed, but I love it!

Natsumi: *Deadpan* Today sucks. I need a lie-down. *Crash*

Aki: *Sweet* Alrighty! You fix it up how you want. *Lower* Natsumi, what is wrong with you?

Keroro: *Singing through gritted teeth* I GOT A ROOOOOM. I GOT A- oh, Fuyuki!

Fuyuki: Hmm?

*Close-up*

Keroro: *Deadpan* Gimme fifty bucks. I’m robbing you.

*Cuts to shot of ladder*

Keroro: Fuyuki! I need help!

Fuyuki: Coming, Sarge! *Crash*

*Shows room*

Keroro: There you are. Can you get me a weirdly shaped fruit and a straw?

Fuyuki, Natsumi, Aki: Mine?

*Pans around the room*

Fuyuki: Where did you get all this stuff?

Natsumi: *Shocked* How did you even clean this place?

Aki: *Worried* ...What happened to my husband...?

*Keroro sits in silence, cuts to outside school*

Narrator: The next day at school. Hi! I’m the narrator!

*Cuts to Fuyuki in class*

Fuyuki: Hi, I’m Fuyuki. My hobbies include cartwheeling, sewing, and riding my bike into a tree. Llllladies?

*Turns around, class is empty*

Fuyuki: Yeah, that went how I expected. *Turns and looks out window* What happened to my game. Sarge! Where do I get game?!

Keroro: *Dazed singing* You can’t make a candle outta hopes and dreams.

Fuyuki: *Singing* They both go together like coffee and cream. Thanks Sarge! ...Sarge?!

*Cuts to Momoka peering in*

Momoka: *Dreamy* There’s the man of my dreams. Alone in a classroom. Singing to a window. *Whisper*...ssso-fiiiine...

Fuyuki: *Running out* Don’t tell me you burnt down the house!

Momoka: Oh god he’s coming! Quickly! Think of something alluring to do!

*POW*

Momoka: I did it! I’m on top! *Out loud, nervous* Sorry Fuyuki, I should have looked where I was going-

Fuyuki: Wait! I know how to handle this! You should take this alien badge, cause your looks are out of this world. Aaaaaaaahhh.

Momoka: *Lovestruck sighing* Haaaaaahhh...

Fuyuki: Hope that worked! Later, Momoka!

Momoka: Wait! *Starts slow, gets faster and less coherent* I just wanted to ask- I just wanted to say- you know about you, if you, would you like to, um, yeah. Potato- design. Wind. Rocking chairs! Canyons! I want a b-bike for my birth-b-b-beddidy-beddidy-boppity-bop-BOPBITTYBOP!!

Fuyuki: I think you were flat.

Momoka: STATUE!!! *Runs away*

Fuyuki: What was that...?

Snake: Sounds like Stockholm Syndrome to me!

*Cut to Momoka kneeling on ground*

Momoka: *Muffled sobbing* Damnit! Middle School’s so important! These problems matter!

Tamama: *Muffled* Need air! NEED AIR! *GASP*

*Tamama jumps out of bag*

Tamama: *Slowly wanders off* Whoo, man! I’ve been cooped up in there too long. I need to make some room for Sarge! Of course that’s not gonna last very long; not if my mom is right.

Momoka: RrrrRRRR GET BACK HERE!!!

Tamama: Whoa, that’s some reach...

Momoka: *Softly* I only have myself to blame for this, *getting louder* but sometimes a girl’s just gotta LET IT OUT!

Tamama: I have that same problem.

Momoka: How about you make like a tree and-!!!

*POW*

Tamama: Walk it off.

Natsumi: *Bossy* Alright. Who took all the balls?

Mrs PMS: YOU DON’T HAVE ANY! BUT YOU STILL PASS!

Keroro: Went back home and my momma said...

Fuyuki: Hey, Sarge!

Keroro: *Jumps up, screaming* I HATE BROKEN SIDEWALKS! Oh hey Fuyuki.

*Occasional whacks and Tamama can be heard in the distance*

Fuyuki: What are you doing at my school?

Keroro: Finding my ass- er, privates. Private.

*Whacks and Tamama are clearer*

Keroro: Boyfriend.

Momoka: MAKE LIKE A- ow. LIKE A TREE AND-ow. MAKE A TREE OUT OF-ow.

Keroro: *Gasp* Nobody pounds on my fagmuffin but me!

Fuyuki: ...She’s not.

Keroro: I’ll save you hun!!!

Momoka: This is the last ball. MAKE LIKE A- *KONK, CRASH*

Keroro: Or not, I’m cool with that.

Tamama: Sarge...you came!

Keroro: *In Spanish, romantic* Three times already, my love! *Close-up* I’m gay. The end. *Smooth* Fuyuki I’d like to introduce you to my alcoholic beverage of choice...looove.

Tamama: I’m a pretty princess!

Fuyuki: Guys? Girl? Concussion?

Keroro and Tamama: Walk it off.

Tamama: And we’re not speaking until trees start dying. YYYEAAAAH.

Narrator: Back at the Hinata house.

Keroro: *In Spanish* I FUCKING LOVE CLEANING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! *Wall lights on fire*

*Stare*

Tamama: Quatro?

Keroro: Agachese!

*Credits*

*Post-Credits 1- Natsumi pondering in gym class*

Mrs. PMS: YOU SEE THAT, FAILURES OF TOMORROW? THAT’S WHAT THINKING LOOKS LIKE! I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT THAT...BUT YOU WON’T.

*Post-Credits 2- blank*

Keroro: Oh boy I’m gonna brush-brush my toothbrush!

*Explosion*

Keroro: NOOOOO MY TOOTHBRUSH.

Keroro: No problem Fuyuki! ...The fuck?

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