|Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 22|
Main episode article
*Dramatic intro music, fade in to HQ*
HQ: *Proud and sinister* Greetings to all of my empty coffee cups I have placed in the chairs. I thank you for joining me. As you're no doubt aware, I have been demoted from Admiral to Captain after being awake for four straight months. Is the excuse I gave to the cops. *Camera gets in close* So then, we'd better get to work getting my rank back. Gary, set a course for Earth.
*Sound of a cup falling over*
HQ: Your objection has been noted.
*Cut to Robobo over the house, “Frigate” plays*
Robobo: Scanning targets. Identified: Keroro, gunslinger. Giroro's gooch. Kululu, slouching. Angry boa constrictor. Scanning outskirts. Door hatchet and a pocket Furby. *Revving attack* I DON'T LIKE THEM THEY'RE POLARIZING. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
Dororo: *Senses the attack, quick gasp* Koyuki- run!
*Attack hits their house*
Koyuki: *Running* What was that?!
Dororo: *Irritated* I think our friends are back! Let's get to the house, quick!
*Cut to Keroro vacuum*
Keroro: *Coughs loudly* Ai cono!! Why am I the vacuum?!
Natsufridge: 'Cause you suck. *Angry scream* Why am I the refrigerator?!
Keroro: 'Cause you're a frigid bitch.
Natsumi: And why are you more clever now?!
Keroro: *Smugly* 'Cause I finished school, *slowly becoming sad* he lied through his hose...
Fuyuki: *Sudden realization, just running with it* Oh, welp, I guess this is happening today. Any requests, guys? They're all gonna be tone deaf.
Kululu: *Computer boots up with a HEGH jingle*
Fuyuki: Yeah kinda like that.
Kululu: Well, Shurara's back. In case anyone was surprised.
Keroro: *Panicking* Kululu! Tell me everything's gonna be okay!
Kululu: *Muffled, getting shaken around* Mmmf! Not if you don't let go of me!
*Robobo divebombs the house*
Robobo: Building proximity. 10 kilometers. 2 kilometers. 1 foot- *CRASH*
*Keroro and Kululu get tossed around*
*Kululu makes a Mac error sound*
*Robobo walks out of the dust cloud, cowboy music plays as he speaks*
Robobo: Legs set for stomping. Arms set for strangling. What this party needs is a love machine.
*Shows Fuyuki and Kululu knocked out*
Robobo: Why did you have it without me?!
Keroro: Only room for one party animal, asshole. And he's a vacuum!
Natsumi: *Snide* Party animal asshole, huh?
Robobo: I have been programmed to show love inefficiently. By the orders of Shurara, you are my new friends. ADD ME.
*Robobo magnetizes Keroro and Natsumi*
Natsumi and Keroro: *Worried and floaty noises*
Robobo: My personality is magnetic. Ha. Ha-ha. My mother would have laughed, the ungrateful bitch.
*Giroro flies through the window and conks Robobo on the head*
Natsumi and Keroro: *Roughly hitting the ground noise*
Giroro: *Plops down beside Natsumi* Please don't open your eyes Natsumi. DAMN.
Natsumi: Aww Giroro, you're cute.
Giroro: I can kill everyone in this house.
Robobo: *Rising up* AAAAH I want to pet it!
Keroro: *Panicking* Giroro, sacrifice yourself for the greater me!
Natsumi: *To herself* Oh fuck this.
*Natsumi smashes Keroro into Robobo, sending them flying into a closet*
Keroro: OOF! AAAAGH!
Robobo: AAAH Friendship AGH- *crash*
Fuyuki: *Cocky* Whoa, I think it's gonna be five minutes to heaven! *Hears a tank driving up* Guys, slow down. AGH!
*Momoka drives through the wall*
Momoka: *Dazed and confused* What...? Where-... where am I...?
Paul: The experiment was a rousing success! Mistress Momoka lives again!
Momoka: *Horrified* Paul, what have you done to me?!
Paul: Made you not shit! Mrep-mrep.
Momoka: I'm a freak of nature!
Paul: You're welcome!
Tamama: Whoooo wants to be blown? HA!
Fuyuki: A missile?
Tamama: Postpartum depression.
*Cut to people across town fused with technology*
Dororo: This is a new one on me. Been a while since I said this, but uh, shit?
Koyuki: If it's one of Shurara's goons, he's probably at Natsumi's house.
Dororo: Let's get there quickly!
*Cut to Robobo approaching Keroro*
Keroro: *Making dizzy noises*
Robobo: *“Singing”* Put one foot in front of the other, everybody sing along now. And soon you'll be goosing your best friend- *Dororo cuts his hands off* AAAAAH.
*Hands clatter to the ground, transforms into Ocelot*
Ocelot: He's a friendly man! I don't know if I wanna do him though.
Keroro: Brororo! Brodolini with MANINARA!
Dororo: Do you write these down? Right! Let's finish this nonsense. Stand perfectly stiiill....*Scans Robobo*
Robobo: The movement of the planet makes that physically impossible.
Dororo: Mmhmm. Mmhmm. Good. *Slices Robobo into pieces*
Robobo: Aaaaaah, ehhh.
Koyuki: Natsumi! Huh...?
*Natsumi and Giroro transform back to normal*
Koyuki: Hey! You're an ice elemental like me!
Natsumi: *Slightly traumatized deadpan* I'm going to miss feeling fresh.
Koyuki: I'm going to miss Go-Gurt!
Kululu: *Transforms back* Damn. The world made more sense in there.
*Momoka, Paul and Tamama transform back*
Paul: *Annoyed* Ugh... Mistress, you could have had cannons. You could have been something!
Tamama: *Struggling to get out of the cannon* Whoo! Don't tell her about the puppet! Shit.
Keroro: *Transforms back, relieved* Phew! Aw, I missed you righty. Fuck off lefty, you had your chance.
Giroro: Man, that got hairy. It's good that Dororo is Ninja Magic Bullshit, 'cause we're just bullshit.
Keroro: *In the background* Nurrrrrrrrrrr...
Kululu: On that subject, I tried looking up the Shurara Corps, but my computer just shrugged. I don't think they're a real corps.
Giroro: ...Kululu, that's us. They're more of a peel. People say you need to eat them 'cause they're good for you, but that's a bunch of crap. Everyone knows you eat the corps.
Kululu: That's the worst part to eat.
Giroro: Just like the peel.
Dororo: Huh-! Everyone, he's not dead yet! And... I can sense... something big's coming!
*Robobo summons a giant Robobo ship*
Big Robobo: WHO'S READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL.
Tamama: Dororo! Do not throw a star at that!
Dororo: I fucking know, Tamama!
Keroro: *Take-charge* Alright, platoon! Let's get our brand, spankin' new mechs ready, and I'll be in my room leading the charge!
Giroro: Fucking coward.
Keroro: Go team!
Dororo: He is right, though. Are the mechs ready to go?
Kululu: *Tossing him a control bar* Wait'll you hear 'em purr.
Dororo: Awww yeaaaahhaaAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!
*Everyone stares at him as he screams, Raiden stands there, pulls out a marshmallow on his sword*
*Transition to the mechs launching*
Tamama: Private Tamama, ready!
Giroro: Corporal Giroro, locked and loaded!
Keroro: Sergeant Keroro, doesn't care-oro.
Kululu: *Hacking loudly*
Dororo: Lance Corporal Dororo! Is going on vacation with Giroro in this!
Keroro: Platoon, form up!
Kululu, Giroro, Dororo, Tamama: Roger!
*Morph into the suck transformer, lands in front of Big Robobo*
Big Robobo: Thank you for not abandoning me. Have some more holes as thanks.
Keroro: I don't know what to do.
Giroro: AaaaAAGH! Why are you here?!
Dororo: I've got this, babe.
Dororo: By the power of Ninja Magic Bullshit! I assume control! Attack!
Keroro: Dororo! I'm a genius!
Dororo: Hyah! *Kicks Big Robobo*
Dororo: Hruagh! *Chops off Robobo's drills*
Dororo: *Launches the mechs at Robobo* Cranial Crusher!
Keroro: No. No! NO! NO! *Gets tossed out of the mech, Sing-screaming* AAAVEEE SAVE MEEEEEEYAAAAAA! NAAAAAAH OH'ts- THERE'S THE GROOOOOUND- *crash*
Robobo: NOOOO. WHYYYYYY.
Dororo: *Going a little mental* This is over! Giant Ninja Fuck You Staaaar!!
Robobo: AAAAActually that feels kinda nice- *Explodes*
Dororo: Ahhh. Pacifism.
*Cut to the team outside the mech*
Keroro: *Delirious* Did we win? One blink for yes, two for no. No blinks, alriiiight.
Tamama: Dororo, that was awesome!
Giroro: God, baby, why don't we just make you the commander?
Keroro: Yes. Please. Take it.
Dororo: Oh, come on guys, it was just one fight.
Keroro: Say you want it, I abdicate. Only half-joking here.
Dororo: *Thinking* Ugh, maybe I really do need a vacation. I can't lose myself like that again.
*Screen statics, transitions to the base, HQ's monitor*
HQ: So you've had these planet-destroying mechs for how long?
Keroro and Giroro: Uhhhh...
*TO BE CONTINUED*
*Post-Credits 1 - Fuyuki boombox*
Fuyuki: *Singing* Don't go breaking my sarge.
Keroro: *Singing* She couldn't if she tried. *Building up to a yell* And she's trying RIGHT NOW! *Crash* AGH!
Shurara: *Groan* ...At least they actually killed this one. Why did Dog Puke stay behind, again?
Nuii: H-he found his brother Giruru, sir.
Shurara: Brother-? Oh yeah. What happened to old Gleak anyway?
Nuii: You liquified him, sir.
Shurara: Ah, yep. Pretty cooool. Don'tcha think?
Shurara: Joking, I don't care. Welp, you and Gyororo've got more surveillance to do, don't you? You're supposed to be spying the house right now. You're disobeying me again.
Nuii: *Getting scared* You called me up here, sir!
Shurara: To tell you to stop disobeying my orders. Now get on the floor and beg your little vacant face off for my forgiveness, and if I'm not showered in your reverence, I will smell SO BAD for the rest of the night, and it'll be all your fault!
Gyororo: Sir! Something weird's going on with the platoon now. There's some kind of power struggle with one of their Captains.
Shurara: Well then good thing you're here, 'cause if you weren't I could actually see it! GO!
Shurara: You too- get off the floor, you've got a job to do. You and Gyororo, figure out where the dead guys are and what's going on in the base.
Nuii: *Panicked, kind of sobbing* Ah! Yes sir!
Shurara: *Sigh* You all disappoint me. But we are a family. A disappointing family I kidnapped from every corner of Keron. Yukiki! Kagege!
Yukiki and Kagege: Yessir!
Shurara: They're gonna die, aren't they.
Yukiki: Probably, sir.
Shurara: And you too.
Kagege: Probably, sir.
Yukiki: *Deadpan* Yeah.
Shurara: Alright. *Sigh* Have you found a good spot?
Kagege: There's an abandoned house in the woods outside Tokyo. It looks ideal.
Shurara: Then we'll wait and see what happens to those two. When I'm proven right, Yukiki, it'll be your turn, and you'll lead them to Kagege, who will fail to finish them off.
Yukiki: *Affirming* Understood.
Shurara: Good. *Pause* Hmm...
Yukiki: You still miss Mekeke, sir?
Shurara: He was my #2. He died before he could tell me why only sending two of you at a time was a bad idea. I held a contest to see who could be my best attack dogs. He won by peeing on a tree. Runner up was Twitchy the Dying Squirrel. ...I really could use a shower.
Yukiki: I control snow and ice, sir. It could kill you.
Yukiki: *Sigh* Alright. *Wind whooshes*
Shurara: *Starting to shiver* And you make my shadow spank me!
Kagege: Uh, yessir...
Shurara: *Shivering* It's good to be the hero! *Spank* AGH!!