|Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 21|
Main episode article
Dororo: *Narrating* It's been some time since our last scrap with the Shurara Corps. We thought we were prepared for them this time. Then my computer went dead. Now I can sense a presence inside the house. Something that should have left this world.
Dokuku: *Casual* Hey, I'm looking for Keroro? Also I ate your cat and I'm not sorry. You'll understand when you're dead.
Natsumi: *Horrified scream*
*Fuyuki suddenly standing in the room*
Giroro: Natsumi! Where is he?!
Fuyuki: You know guys, some of us are trying to sleepwalk in peace. I don't steal your wallet when I sleepwalk, who said that?
Natsumi: *Still freaked* Huh...? Guys! There was a ghost in here, I swear! *Realization* And... wait, Giroro, it looked like one of you! ...Had fucked a lawnmower...
Giroro: After Dad-Train, I don't doubt anything.
*Cut to Dokuku entering Keroro's room*
Keroro: *Murmuring in his sleep* Tail the higher caste and shovel whatever foulness they excrete. Come, the predatory to luckless razed to the ground, I am easy meat.
Dokuku: *Somewhat under his breath* Sorry, fella. I just can't wait any longer.
Keroro: *Suddenly shouting* SEIZURE SOLO!
*Natsumi kicks Keroro's door down*
Dokuku: *Quick* OOF-!
Natsumi: Get up, Keroro, you got another freak of nature to deal with!
Keroro: *Drousy* Aw, don't say that Natsumi. Have more self-respect, heeeeeegh. Fucker. Eh?
Dokuku: *Rough and heavy breathing* Just... LET ME... OUT!
Giroro: *Horrified* Oh my god, that was not a lawnmower.
Fuyuki: I got a bottle with his name on it!
Dokuku: *Freaking out* No! Damnit, please! *Flies off* I never wanted thiiiiis! *Disappears into the base*
Keroro: *Audible choking*
Giroro: Sounded like my dad when he left.
Keroro: *Suddenly clears up his choking* HWUGH! GHOST IN THE BASE! KERORO PLATOON, WE GOT A CODE DEAD!
*Cut to Dokuku floating through the base*
Fuyuki: You think he'll mind if I monetize this?
Tamama: *Sick and irritated* Can we please do this later? I've been pregnant for like three years now.
Kululu: You've been bitching about it for two weeks.
Tamama: I only just noticed!
Dororo: He has the same aura as Putata and Mekeke. He is certainly one of them. Also the fucker-
*Everyone turns to look at him*
Dororo and Giroro: BROKE OUR LAPTOP!
Omiyo: *Cheery* Maybe I can help!
*Omiyo appears from the ground*
Kululu: *Miffed* Hey! I worked really hard to get rid of you!
Omiyo: You said my parents were fat and then walked out of the house.
Kululu: *Deadpan* I'm not paid by the hour.
Keroro: *Flamboyant* Alriiight! Lady ghost, we need you to convince him to leave. I'm thinkin' something with drama.
Omiyo: Hm... I got just the thing.
Dororo: Hang on! I'm heaving up another laptop! HURK-
*Cut to spotlight on Dokuku*
Omiyo: *Dramatic and wistful* Oh, poor misguided soul. Come close. Hear my one request, and woe, to you your scythe looks stupid. Pull my finger. Nothing happens, I'm a ghost.
Keroro: *Deadpan* Why do I talk?
Giroro: We had a theater this whole time, and you didn't tell me?!
Tamama: Macbeth, motherfucker!
Tamama: Sorry, Kululu, my aim was off.
Dokuku: Oh for god's sake. Come here, you idiots!
Keroro, Natsumi, Tamama, Giroro, Dororo: AAAGH!
*Crash through the door*
Dokuku: *Chasing after them, furious* Hair and makeup, assholes!
*Cut to everyone sitting down in a padded room, Kululu typing*
Keroro, Giroro, Tamama: *Gasping for air*
Fuyuki: One of the commenters called me Hitler. ...At last, I have power.
Dororo: Kululu mentioned something about exorcising that ghost girl before. Perhaps he can do something similar with him? But... permanent and... not stupid.
Kululu: I'd love to... dick, but I've got a better idea. He seems to be looking for something. If we can figure out what it is, maybe he'll piss off once he gets it.
Dororo: That's Western ghosts. We're in Japan.
Kululu: Who cares? Ghosts aren't real.
Giroro: But... there's a girl... we just met- fuck everything.
Tamama: *Distressed* Uh, guys? *Cut to Tamama looking huge and distended* Not feelin' great.
Keroro: Oh, now you start showing.
Tamama: I... I think something's coming...!!!
Keroro: Yeah the ghost - *sudden realization* oh... oh god no...
Natsumi: He's coming back!
Keroro: Tamama! Use the kid as a missile!
Tamama: Get ready for TamaMAMA! *Fires*
Dokuku: Oh... GOD... That's it, you go first.
Tamama: I'm spent. Someone find where it landed. AGH! IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!
Keroro: Oh no! Put her wallet in her mouth!
Fuyuki: Now why would you assume I have it- oh right.
Dokuku overlayed with Tamama: *Breathy, sinister* Ha... haha...! I can see... everything in her mind! ...Just a buncha dicks. *Wobbly, trying to get control* Wagh, god, why don't any of these limbs work?! Need to find... pickles and ice cream...
Keroro: Baby, come back! *Singing* You can blame it all on me! *Normal* Well, not all of it.
*Cut to Dokuku opening a vault*
Dokuku/Tamama: *Still wobbly, kinda drunk sounding* Wait a minute... this ain't the refrigerator... *Reaches out for tube* But whatever you are, you're goin' down! Like a... burrito, I think?!
*Clangs the container on the ground, tries painfully to open it*
Dokuku/Tamama: You didn't even use your arms- why are they numb?! Ahhh...
*Container opens with a shining light, group opens door*
Keroro: Tamama, don't!
Dokuku/Tamama: It's too late! This thirst demands to be quenched! Wup-!
*Knocks container over, Giruru forms out of the goo*
Giruru: *Dramatic* Who disturbs my hiding place?! More of Shurara's goons?! You ain't taking me back to that bastard! *Attacks*
Dokuku: Giruru! No! *Stops him*
Giruru: Wha-! *Overjoyed* Dokuku?! Bro! I thought you were dead!
Dokuku: I thought you were solid.
Giruru: Wait, what's going on? Shurara killed you! I was there!
Dokuku: He wouldn't let me go that easily. I'm bound to him as a ghost.
Dokuku: ...What do you mean?
Giruru: How could you be here if you were bound to him? I think he's just full of shit.
Dokuku: But... he said I can't since he killed me.
Giruru: You're kinda stupid. And that's okay.
*Dokuku flies back into Tamama's ass*
Dokuku/Tamama: Hey, do you guys mind if we just live here for now?
Giruru: Yeah, you know, until Shurara's gone, however long that takes.
Kululu: *Menacing whisper* Get back in your tube...
Keroro: *Giving up* Ugh, fine, but I get Tamama's ass back.
Tamama: AGH-HAAAaaa... *flops in the ground*
Mujoe: LATER THAT NIGHT!
*Transition, Cut to Keroro in bed again*
Keroro: *Sleepy* Alright, body. Let's make these last two hours count. *Rustling* Heh? Tamama, I'm over here.
*Pulls off sheet, baby is revealed*
Keroro: Huuuuuh... Little green thing. But it's not mine... Wait... *Realization horror* OH SHIT, IT IS!
*Cut to in the base*
Giroro: Poor bastard inherited his smell. Lethal deli meat.
Dororo: *Charmed* He's a beautiful child, you two. If you forgive me, I'll just stick with what I know.
Kululu: Hope for the best, expect the worst.
Keroro: It's your kid too, Tamama, why aren't you helping?!
Tamama: I did my part, bitch! Now you do yours.
Keroro: What even is my part?! I thought the sex was it! Do I need a mustache?
*Child starts wailing*
Keroro: *Irritated* Cork! Got it.
Dororo: *Over the crying* I think the child is just hungry, Keroro.
Keroro: Yeah! Where do you think I'm gonna put it?!
*Cut to the kitchen*
Natsumi: *Excited by babies and shit* Keroro, can I see the baby?
Keroro: Oh hey guys, where do I put the kid down for a nap? He doesn't fit in the fridge.
Fuyuki: Try freezing first. That's how I got in.
Natsumi: Eeee, he's so cute!
Keroro: *Frustrated* He'd be cuter if he liked my dance!
Natsumi: I think he's actually hungry, Keroro. Do you even know how to properly feed a baby?
Keroro: Of course I do. You can't spell “Keroro” without “care”. Or “team” without an “i”. ...Shit.
*Cut to Tamama and Giroro entering the room*
Tamama: Knock knock!
Giroro: Kid need saving yet?
Giroro: *grunting in motherly agony*
Tamama: Bet you're disappointed, huh?
Keroro: *Giddy* Natsumi saves my ass again! For no reward. Ever.
*Kid starts crying again*
Fuyuki: It was powdered milk. You brought this on yourself.
Giroro: *Intense* It's so...beautiful... Maternal instincts... kicking in. I want to be a mother too! It comes out of the face, right?!
*Baby cries in horror*
Natsumi: *Awkward but trying to let him down politely* Ehh... It comes out of parts I don't think you have, Giroro...
Giroro: *Sobbing* Look at your boobs... aren't they neat...?!
Natsumi: Alright, Keroro. Remember to feed him at least every three hours. You'll need to burp him after every meal.
Keroro: *Trance of cuteness* Haaaaah...
Fuyuki: Have you named him yet, Sarge?
Keroro: Yeah, I've been thinking about that. *Awkwardly sentimental* I've decided to name him after my and Tamama's eternal love... Kemama.
Natsumi: *Sincere* I think she'd like that. Never thought I'd say it, but hey, hope things go well for you guys.
Keroro: Maybe being a dad'll be alright.
Keroro: *Delirious and exhausted* So I'm gonna jettison him into space. *Fake happy* He can be Superman! Somewhere else.
Giroro: WELL THAT LASTED ALL OF A DAY.
Dororo: *Concerned* Keroro, what happened to this morning?
Keroro: *Sarcastic and bitchy* Well gee, Uncle Dororo, why don't you take the little scamp and FIND OUT.
Giroro: Don't you pawn him off on us. This is your snot, you wipe it.
Keroro: There's no “I” in “team”, Giroro! There's an “e” and an “a”! ...God- damnit! *Sighs, back to tired and bitchy* All he does is cry and eat and shit. I do enough of that myself.
Dororo: Yeah, that's babies, Keroro. He's got like three years before he remembers anything you do.
Keroro: Uuuuugh... fine... I can hold on... the years'll go by in a flash.
*Later that night, Keroro lies dead, sits up*
Keroro: *Even worse, slurring* Seriously guys, we'll both live longer if I'm not involved.
Giroro: *Incredibly offended* You listen to me, you little freak. You're really gonna do to your own innocent child what Viper did to you?!
Keroro: *Inhaling horrified shriek*
*Flashback to Viper, “Two weeks ago”*
Keroro: Soooo, Dad. Sold me for cash, huh? And not even that much.
Viper: *Jovial* Yep! Kinda my thing. We were going to spend it on Jerry Curl, but then I had to go being me. I got what I paid for, hwaaaaghahaha.
*Cut back to Keroro looking horrified, falls to his knees*
Keroro: *Sobbing* You're right... I can't do that to my baby... How could I ever do that...?! *Continues blubbering* Kemama...
Giroro: So that's how you make him feel remorse...
*Kemama crawls over*
Keroro: *Looks up, inelegant* Hwagh.
Keroro: *Teary, runny nose* He can't understand me... He doesn't know I'm a monster... *Picks up Kemama, hugs him* Don't worry, little buddy. I promise you'll never find out. *Stands up, announces proudly* I, Sergeant Keroro, will be the father that my father never was!
*“The next day”, cut to the baby being huge*
Keroro: *deadpan* Is this just gonna be a thing with my kids?
Dororo: I... hope it's not from our side of the family.
Keroro: *Flat* Don't judge a book by its Proteus syndrome.
Kululu: From what I can tell, this isn't natural development. It's something outside his biology.
Keroro: *Offended* I failed Biology, you know that! *Completely confident in things that are completely wrong* Clearly I'm just so good at this, that he's becoming a god!
Tamama: Not far off.
*Kemama's bulb starts flashing, starts crying*
Dororo, Giroro, Tamama: *Gasp*
Keroro: *Freaking out* What's wrong?! It's alright sweetie, Daddy's here! It might be hard to cuddle you, but I'll do my damnedest!
*Kemama explodes, roof blows off the house*
Natsumi: *Freaked out and surprised* Why do we bother fixing the fucking roof anymore?! Huh...?
*Kemama is a giant bird*
Keroro: *Horrified* My god... Our union... was so unholy...!!!
Kululu: *Deadpan* Congratulations, you two. Your kid is an Albatross, Eater of Worlds.
*Kemama flies away, screeches, subtitle reads “Bye, Mom and Dad! Never coming back!”*
Tamama: He's so beautiful! My eldritch son...! Except a... beetle did it.
Keroro: ...I thought I did it.
*Feather falls onto bottle, music goes distant*
Keroro: *Getting choked up* I... I guess it was time for him to leave the nest... *Suddenly angry* Is that the joke-? GOD, FUCKING KIDS!
Shurara: They just... LEFT?! I can't even put my trust in the dead?! ….Okay...! Okay... Let's just take the whole “life” thing out of it! *Giving orders* Nuii! Activate Robobo!
*Robobo rockets to Earth, dramatic music*
Robobo: Target locked. Prepare to be loved by my human-killing arms.
Dororo: HURK! HRAK! HUWAGHL-! *clang* Ahhh, there we go.
Giroro: ...GOD... You barfed up a computer.
Dororo: *Exhausted* Told ya. I have one of every virus. Just need to install a firewall and we're good.
Giroro: Do I, uh... need to take you to sick bay, or to IT?
Dororo: Ugh, whichever- 'til Pururu gets back, they're both Kululu.