|Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 19|
Main episode article
*Open with shot of the Hinata house*
Narrator: It was the morning after the universe was reset, and Fuyuki was doing some organizing.
Fuyuki: So what was the meeting for, Sarge?
Keroro: *Casual* Oh you know, mission briefing, that kinda thing.
*Keroro is sitting in a block shape*
Narrator: And Keroro was learning what it's like to be a literal piece of shit.
Keroro: *Deadpan, slightly low* Giroro wasn’t happy about it… *Cheerful* But hey! Once I get the feeling back in my everything, we’re gonna go see Dororo’s mom! Who’s also my mom!
Fuyuki: She doesn’t remember you, does she?
Narrator: Yes, everything was looking up for the Keroro Platoon, which is your cue to grab something to eat and watch it shit itself inside out.
Announcer: The train inbound from Keron will arrive in five minutes. For our Ethiopian travelers, click click pop snap click click five minutes.
Dororo: Here we go guys. We’ll all get to be untraumatized together.
Giroro: All part of the healing process, babe. Just remember to breathe when we get back in space.
Tamama: Do you remember what she’s like, Sarge?
Keroro: *To himself* Oh man, let’s see if I can remember…
*Flashback to Mom headbanging to Dillinger Escape Plan, cuts back after a few seconds*
Keroro: *Matter-of-fact* Well she had a chronic headache.
Giroro: And now so do I.
Keroro: *Serious* I just hope when she sees how I’ve grown into such a handsome former mass murderer, she will accept me back into her family.
Tamama: Your ego keeps me warm at night.
Dororo: They keep me warm! Sorry I didn’t hear what you said.
Announcer: The train inbound from Keron has been delayed by unforeseen circumstances. It’s going in a completely different direction. Also, if there is a Mr. Do-rah-ro on the platform, you have an emergency message from your father: “Ha-ha-ha, hiss ha-ha, I did your mom ha-ha-hordes, typo.”
Dororo: What?! …VIPER…!
Raiden: *Over intercom* DUN, DUN, DUUU-
*Cuts to ships chasing train*
Kululu: My hacking of the train controls have failed. Something is interfering with my signal, and I don't give enough of a fuck to figure out what.
Keroro: Alright Platoon- Dororo, what the fuck.
Dororo: *Freaking out* GUYS, I REALLY DON’T HAVE IT IN ME TO SEE MY PARENTS.
Giroro: Oh my god.
Dororo: I NEVER TOLD HER I GOT MARRIED; I NEVER TOLD HER I WENT IN THE MILITARY; I NEVER TOLD HER I LEFT!
Giroro: She’d figure it out, wouldn’t she?
Dororo: YOU DON’T KNOW HER LIKE I DO. *Singing “What a Way to Go” in background nearly incoherently*
Keroro: *To Kululu* Now listen here, Mustard Brown! Get us as close to that train as you can, because I need to impress my mom before she dies, damnit!
Kululu: It's Buster Brown- ah fuck it...
*Cut to them entering the train*
Keroro: *Hums the Pink Panther theme* Du-dun. Du-dun… *etc*
Raiden: Sneaking music! *Gets hit with spinning revolver* OW!
*Metal Gear alarm*
Ocelot: Ha! You’re mine!
*Snake, Raiden and Ocelot run across the bottom of the screen*
Giroro: Spoiler alert: I’m not helping! Retreat!
Keroro: No! I have to face it to be awesome!
*Cut to Kululu, gunfire is heard over intercom*
Kululu: Sounds like Viper screwed their system up good. *Surprised* Wait a second…that’s a Keronian signal…
*Cut to wall, Ocelot pops up*
Ocelot: Shit, I lost them! *Gets hit in face with paper wad, whiny* Fwwaaaaagh! *Leaves*
Keroro: Well we got past the guns. Now how do we proceed?
Giroro: Forward through the train?
Keroro: No, no, it can’t be that easy.
Giroro: It is that easy. It’s a train. They’re long tubes.
Keroro: That’s what they’d like you to think!
Keroro: The train police?
Kululu: Guys, not to interrupt this stupid conversation, but there are Keronian and Viper life signals up ahead.
Dororo: Oh no, please don’t be my parents please don’t be my parents please don’t-
Dororo: Ugh…mmmMom! That was not a groan of anguish!
Mom: Hello dear! What was it you’ve been doing? Law school or something?
Dororo: I’m a ninja, mom.
Mom: Does that pay bills or what?
Tamama: *Whispering* Go on Sarge, say hi!
Keroro: *Bashful* Uhh, heheh… hi ma’am. I’m your son, and this is my polite voice. You impressed? I know I am!
Mom: *Gasp* Keroro! Is it really you?
Dororo: *Wigging out* Oh my FUCKING GOD she remembers his name…!!!
Keroro: *Dramatic* Yes mother, I’ve returned to you to ask for my place back in your family. And to forgive you for never coming to my baseball games I never had. So let’er rip.
Mom: I never even realized you were my long lost son! I did a lot of drugs in those days. And now. But back then, too.
Keroro: *Awkward* Ah! Good to know I was a crack baby.
*Giroro notices Viper*
Giroro: There he is! *Jumps up, points gun* Thought you could just sit there politely, huh?! Well listen up, DAD- wait a minute…
Viperess: Is that anyway to greet your grandmother-in-law?
Giroro: *Slightly freaked out* Grand- mother-?! Well I already threatened you, so I’m sticking to it!
Dororo: *Quickly* Guys, I think there’s something outside away from my mom; I’m gonna go check it out. *Jumps out*
Keroro: Wait a minute Dororo! Refresh my memory of things our mom likes!
Announcer: Refreshments requested!
Keroro, Giroro, Mom: Refreshments?
Tamama: Click pop squeaky?
Robot: O beverage-beverage-beverage, You wanna have a beverage, I hope you want a beverage, ‘Cause here’s a diet beverage. *In the background* O beverage-beverage-beverage, click click pop whistle beverage, have a racist beverage, it’s the best kind of beverage.
Tamama: Those party carts seem rather pushy…
Keroro: *Commanding* Alright, back it up Party Carts!
Robot in back: Woo-oooh.
Keroro: Or I’m gonna make Giroro teach you a lesson!
*Running in to robots*
Robot: When it’s time to beverage, we will beverage hard. *CRASH*
*”Party Hard” kicks in, cuts to Dororo cutting the ticket robot*
Robot: You don’t have a license to paaartyyyyy… *Sparkler comes out of its head*
Viper: I am surprised to see that you have made it this far.
Dororo: There you are…
Viper: But this is the end of the line...detective....
Dororo: …I'm your son.
Viper: Your partner said that too!
Viper: Before I blew him up.
Dororo: We’re the only frogs!
Viper: And made him swallow his legs. Airline food, huh? We’re blowing up a plane with it. That’ll be funny.
Dororo: Dad, I think you’ve been breathing too much space air.
Viper: Can we please go inside?!
*Cut to Giroro holding back a door while it’s being knocked*
Giroro: Urgh, Kululu! *Knock* Where do we go from here?! *Knock knock*
Kululu *over intercom, sarcastic*: Well seeing as a train is a tube…
Keroro: *Mouth half full of food* Alright, don't just stand there! Help me think of something leader-y to do?
Giroro: What are you doing?
Keroro: *Mouth half full* I'm binge eating, okay?! Try to be more sensitive to my feelings, om nom!
Poyon: *Cheerful and exuberant* Don’t worry! I’ll show you the way! *Appearance flourish* Space detective Poyon, at your service!
Keroro: *Mouth half full, cocky* Oh my god, don’t you just look the dumbest, omyomyom!
Tamama: Show us the way, tacky bitch!
Giroro: I like your boobs…They’re pretty cool.
Poyon: *Annoyed disbelief* It’s you guys…
Robots: I HOPE YOUR BOOBS WANT A BEVERAGE!
*Slice, slice, slice*
Robot: Pour me ooon theee roooocksss…
Giroro: What- the- hell- how long have you been able to do that?!
Mom: Long enough to know you boys can’t take yourselves. Just wait until Viper hears about this.
Giroro: What? I thought he was behind all this.
Mom: That big softy? He wouldn’t hurt a fly. Unless it had money.
*Cut to Viper*
Dororo: Dad, just tell me what you did to the train so I can put you out of your misery.
Viper: What I did? This wasn’t me- I can’t hack a train. In fact, I was just heading to the conductor’s to see what happened.
Dororo: Aren’t you delirious?
Viper: Aren’t you gullible? *Slightly chuckling* Guh- come on!
*Cut to Viper shooting out the door*
Viper: Hands up or I’ll choo choo shoot you! …Wait, where is he…?
Dororo: Um, shouldn’t there be someone flying the train?
Shurara *Over intercom*: How about that? The neophyte isn’t stupid after all.
*Shurara symbol appears on monitor*
Shurara: Greetings, family Viper. Do you hear my voice? Good, then that means the speakers are working. Go me.
Dororo: I assume you’re the one behind this?
Shurara: Oh, it wasn’t my ass. But yes, I did. And I’m glad you and the whole Keroro Platoon came to investigate, seeing as I’ve rigged the whole train to explode. That simplifies things.
Viper and Dororo: What?!
Grandpa: Not on my watch, sister!
Shurara: What the- they’re offline! How did you do that?
Grandpa: With a dollar.
Viper: Wait, DAD?!
Dororo: *Excited* Grandpa!
Grandpa: That’s right: I have been on the train so long that I’ve become the train! Such is the circle of life.
Shurara: Rrrrr…once I figure out how the fuck that’s even possible, the Shurara Corps are coming for you personally! Two at a time! In even intervals!
Mekeke: Sir, that puts us at a tactical disadvantage.
Shurara: Oh, well then ignore my threat, but fear it.
Mekeke: Alright, I’m hanging up the call now.
Giroro: Hey! Get away from your son, my father-in-law!
Dororo: No! Honey, please don’t complicate things!
Keroro: SON?! What the hell is wrong with your family?!
Viper: It’s a big family reunion! Bastard sons…mom son…dad train…
Keroro: You know what- I don’t want in your family anymore!
Poyon: Family may be weird, sir, but it’s family all the same.
Giroro: Who the hell are you?
Dororo: Ugh… The Shurara Corps…?
*Post Credits 1 – Poyon*
Giroro: *To the tune of “Part of Your World* Look at your boobs/Aren’t they neat/Aren’t you glad/That your life is complete/When I look in my pants/I wish I didn’t have/Anything/’Cause I’ve got gadgets and gizmos apenis/I’ve got all these man parts but what for/I’ve had this thingamabob since I was 20/But who cares/No big deal/I’m a whooooooore!
Announcer: Whores requested!
Shurara: Do you think they feared it?
Mekeke: Theyyyy were quaking in their metaphorical boots.
Shurara: Neophyte! I don’t even know what that means! I just know when I read it, it gave me goosebumps.
Mekeke: My goose was thoroughly bumped.
Shurara: *Fast* Nnnnnnget back to kneeling and stop looking at me.
Mekeke: Oh, sorry.
Shurara: Right, Mekeke. You and Putata shall lead the charge against the Keroro Platoon.
Mekeke: No prisoners, sir?
Shurara: None. After what Keroro’s done to me, I owe them no quarter.
Mekeke: Or dime?
Shurara: Shit, let me check my wallet. *Shuffling in a wallet* Eh, you and Putata move out tomorrow. I’ll get back to you on the dime thing…
Shurara: *Sigh* Ugh…This job’s too hard. I need to stop sucking.