|Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 16|
Main episode article
*Fades into Keroro washing dishes*
Keroro: *loopy* Another week before I DIIIIE… But you know what they say… A plate a day keeps the nurse at bay…
*Eats dish, CRUNCH*
Keroro: What gets wetter as it dries? My life!
Fuyuki: Better come in Sarge. They’re saying something about a Tsunami- huh?
Keroro: *Sobbing* Fuyuki… I told you to use the Downy! You don’t listen to me!
Fuyuki: You’re getting wet, Sarge…
Keroro: And now you’re wet too! NOBODY USES THE STORE BRAND. We’re in fucking Japan, I can’t even read it…
Fuyuki: There’s a robot poking you, Sarge!
Counter: YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE YOUR FATHER’S LOVE.
Keroro: I’m not going to church, Mom! GOD!
*Kicks the counter, powers down*
Keroro: This is a lot like what actually happened.
Fuyuki: What was that thing for, again?
Keroro: I dunno, HQ sent it- *gasp!*
*Giroro walks up, Keroro and Fuyuki heard giggling happily in background*
Giroro: Alright, what’d I miss? Something really stupid?
Kululu: Natch. Keroro just broke the counter
Giroro: Really?!...What does that change?
Fuyuki: You did good, Sarge!
Keroro: Yeah I did! *More desperate* Worst birthday ever!
Counter: WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT ME.
Keroro: Oh fuck…
*Counter steams, Kilili appears*
Giroro: DON’T MAKE ME BLIND FIRE WITH ONE EYE CLOSED!
Dororo: DON’T MAKE ME MAKE YOU SOME TOAST.
Kululu: Hold the faggotry, you idiots. *Sinister* I want to see it attack first.
Fuyuki: You know they just got married.
Keroro: *Panicking* Alright! Don’t panic! I know what to do! *Runs up* Hey you! You’re a jerk!
Kululu: *Exasperated* Of all people to say that…
Tamama: It’s taking it pretty well.
Keroro: And your mouth is misshapen! And you make me wanna kill flowers!
Dororo: GIRORO MAKE HIM STOP!
Keroro: BUT MOST OF ALL…! *Happily* You’re so sooooft!
Dororo: AGH-!!! *Snap*
Keroro: Look Hun, our baby came early! Man, FedEx these days, huh?
*Dororo’s eyes are blank*
Giroro: WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN ABOUT?! WE DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS!
Keroro: *Thoughtful* Well then, put on the gloves and check.
*Cut to inside*
Keroro: So what’re we gonna call it? Jenny? Bob? Bob 2?
Giroro: “I’M HERE TO KILL EVERYONE?!”
Keroro: *Low* I like Frank…
Dororo: He’s right, Keroro. We don’t know how dangerous this creature is.
Keroro: I KNOW. I’ll name it after you! Isn’t that right, Better Dororo?
Dororo: Oh my fuck.
Kululu: I’m in!
*Cuts to Kululu*
Keroro: You’re what?
Kululu: I hacked into HQ’s database. I wouldn’t have called it but Giroro’s right. It’s called “Kiruru” and it’s here to kill us. HQ’s been developing it to replace us and the entire Keron army. But you went and opened it early.
Keroro: I think I’m gonna call it Kilili.
Kululu: That’s almost like “Kiruru”-
Keroro: I’M FUCKING CALLING IT KILILI. AND THEN WE’RE GONNA BE HAPPY.
Kilili: *Mellotron Choir A2*
Keroro: Aww did you hear that?! It said- I’m- hungry!
Kululu, Giroro, Dororo: *Groans*
Kululu: He’s a goner.
Tamama: Hey Dennis? Have you and I have ever actually talked?
*Dororo’s eyes center on Tamama*
*Cuts to Giroro sitting outside*
Giroro: *Thinking* I really hope we’re not making a mistake with that thing. *Turns, out loud* Aren’t I fucking optimistic?! *Sigh, thinking* I’m finally happy being stuck on this fucking planet. Fell in love and everything. Then I have to be reminded HQ wants me dead. *Symbol appears* Hmm? *Sees his hand on fire*
*Giroro screams in distance*
Fuyuki: *Thinking* I just realized. My girlfriend is a doll. Man, my life is the worst.
Dororo: Yes that did wake me up, Giroro.
Giroro: I’M SORRY!
*Cut to energy flowing into Kilili, Kilili grows as Giroro sobs loudly in distance*
Dororo: *Happy* You see? We do learn from each other!
*Cut to Kululu facing away in his chair*
Kululu: Not much new on “Kilili” yet. I mean I am the reason HQ’s firewalls are so tight. *Turns*
Giroro: *Trying hard not to laugh*
Kululu: *Sarcastic* Oh thanks. I’m actually proud of that. *Turns back* Anyway, all I can confirm is that our little friend is a definite threat. It feeds on the depression of others to help it grow, so try not to let your husband rub off on you too much- *Turns*
Giroro: *Laughs really hard*
Kululu: *Low* Aaaand you’re way ahead of me… *Turns, Giroro is laughing all the way through* Look, just come back later and I’ll have more information, and what the fuck are you laughing at?! And what’s that triangle on your face?
*Cut to Keroro standing in his room; Giroro, Dororo and Tamama open the door*
Giroro: Hey, pain-in-the-ass! *Triangle fades out* Wow that is fitting…
Keroro: *Distressed* Guys...! I can’t find Kilili! I’ve tried every channel!
Giroro: *Grabs him by the neck* YOU LOST THE THING TRYING TO KILL US?!
Keroro: Well when you put it that way, maybe he’ll find us!
Giroro: *Resumes shaking* THAT’S NOT MY POINT!
Dororo: Uh, guys, I think I found him…
Keroro: *Queasy* Me voy a vomitar…
*Cut to Kilili standing beside ship*
Dororo, Giroro, Tamama: AAAAAAAGH!
Keroro: Aww, there’s Daddy’s little- *slightly nervously laughing* how the hell are we getting out of this one…
Kilili: *Mellotron B2* *Crashes into ship, room explodes*
Giroro: THAT WAS FUCKING ADORABLE!!!
Dororo: I agree! This is simply unaccssseriously…?
Kululu: Heads up, guys. We got company.
*Cut to Fuyuki and Natsumi in living room, Fuyuki holds out hand*
Natsumi: Alright, what am I?
Natsumi: ‘Nother cat.
Fuyuki: You’re right. This isn’t fun. Next round.
Natsumi: *Small gasp* *Natsumi stands up*
Fuyuki: Or…call it a draw. Huh?!
*Natsumi’s triangle turns into an X, scene cuts to the platoon and Kilili*
HQ: Hey, Keroro, something went wrong with the counter we were going to use to kill you, so we came to do it ourselves. Or you can return the thing; that works too.
Keroro: *Gasp* Return Kilili?! But they’ll turn him into a hat! And I won’t get to see him disappoint me!
Kululu: *Over intercom* Why didn’t anyone tell me I have a triangle on my face?!
HQ: Look, if you’re not gonna bring him out, we’re gonna take him out. We brought the whole family.
*Dark Kiruru’s start appearing*
Dark Kiruru’s: *Mellotron D4, then F4, then B4*
Kululu: *Projected* About 30 of ‘em have converged on your area. You’re fucked!
*Shows other Kiruru’s*
Kululu: *Quieter, casual* So you’re his brothers, huh? …Isn’t there some kind of adoption limit? I mean, fuck…!
Kilili: *Mellotron C3*
*Crashes through wall*
Keroro, Giroro, Dororo, Tamama: HIGE!!
Dark Kiruru’s: *B4, D4, F4*
Keroro: HIGE HIGE- I mean, why are we stopping?!
*Natsumi walks up*
Dororo: Ms. Natsumi? Get out of here! We’re under attack!
Natsumi: *Sings a C
Giroro: Oh, now you’re jealous! Keep moving, I’ll hold her off! You take Kilili and-
*Everyone is running down hall*
Giroro: *In the distance* MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dark Kiruru’s: *B4, D4, F4*
*Cut briefly to Kululu*
Kululu: I’m not saying “orphans forever” but…god! How do they feed all of you?
*Cut to Keroro, Fuyuki, Mois, and Kilili*
Keroro: *Jokingly* Fuyuki! Mois! We gotta stop meeting like this. Oh, me and holes.
HQ: You now have 60 minutes before you die, please don’t do it yourself.
Keroro: *Nervous* Has Giroro caught up yet…?
Giroro: Unfortunately for you.
Keroro: Girorooo! Your scar is just glowing today! Are you going nuclear?
Giroro: *Angry face* RRRRR.
*Holds up paper*
Keroro: Pick a number, Giroro! The one you end up with is the one we use to escape this mess. I prefer number 4, it was my backup this whole time.
Giroro: And what’s the X for?
Giroro: Well let’s see what’s number 4- GIMME THAT, YOU LITTLE FUCK! *Rips up the paper*
*Kilili starts growing massive*
Giroro: Why have I ever trusted you?!
Keroro: ‘Cause I’m cute as a kitty!
Giroro: I’m allergic to cats!
Keroro: That’s not what I said!
Giroro: FUCK I GIVE UUUUP! *Splat*
Keroro: Oh, don’t be like that- Fuck! Kilili!
*Keroro waddles around in place*
Keroro: Wait! I know! I’ll make an invisible barrier- *CRASH*
*Pops out of the pipe*
Keroro: *Dizzy* Gah! Okay, Plan 4 compromised…
Giroro: *Muffled* Urrrrrgh…
Keroro: *Still dizzy* Wait, I’ve got it. We’ll be a roofing company! I’ll go get supplies!
Giroro: Keroro, you bastard!
*Flies up to HQ’s ship*
HQ: Yyyyyeah? Can I help you?
Keroro: CAN I GET A QUOTE ON SOME PAINT CANS…?
HQ: Uh, sure. “No fucking way”.
Keroro: …IS THAT A LIMITED OFFER OR WHAT.
HQ: Keroro, what are you doing?
Keroro: LOOK I GOT A FUCKING BUSINESS TO RUN. I JUST NEED…I just need… I… am scared of heights.
Giroro, Fuyuki: *Choked shock*
Keroro: OH GOD SOMEONE LET ME DOWN! I’LL YOU GIVE YOU THE KID! I’LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING! JUST PLEASE LET ME DOWN!
*Kilili continues growing*
Keroro: I’M NOT HIS FATHER AND NEITHER ARE YOU SO THEREFORE YOU’RE MORE QUALIFIED! …Huh…?
*Light fires out*
*Beam hits HQ, triangle appears*
HQ: *Slightly sad* Hey Keroro…?
HQ: …The coffee stunk today.
Keroro: …My sympathies.
HQ: And that made me really sad.
Keroro: Then go… make a good batch?
HQ: Okay. I don’t make the coffee, but I’ll go do that. See ya.
Keroro: See ya.
*Cuts to him entering the base*
Keroro: Told you I had a plan! Kilili, did you see daddy- what did you do to my kid…?
Kululu: I’m guessing Kilili discharged all of his negative energy.
Keroro: Huh. “Kilili discharge”. Try saying that three times fast! Th- fuck.
*Kilili floats onto Keroro’s hand*
Fuyuki: Well what do you think? Think we should give him back now?
*Kilili flies away*
Keroro: Good idea, Kilili. I hate decisions.
*Kilili flies into HQ, Keroro runs out*
Keroro: *Gasp* Kilili! Run, my son! Spread my teachings across the galaxy!
Kilili and Kiruru’s: *E3, B4, D4, F4*
Keroro: …I hate when he ignores me!
Giroro: THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Narrator: From that day forth, so did Kilili spread Keroro’s teachings across the galaxy. And for four straight months, a mass ritual suicide occurred on every god-damn planet in the system. Even his home planet, Keron. So profound were they, the teachings of a useless coward.
*Post-Credits 1 – Giroro sitting in his clamp mech*
Keroro: 5 O’CLOCK!
*Post-Credits 2 – Fuyuki and Giroro*
Giroro: My husband’s life is in danger.
Fuyuki: I have to go to school.
Giroro: Dororo’s human friends are in danger.
Fuyuki: I have this itch on my ass.
Giroro: And I don’t know if I can save them…
Fuyuki: And that’s just really annoying.
Together: Man this is the pits!