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Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 15

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Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 15

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The following is unedited from the original document except for formatting. Lines may have been rewritten during recording and/or editing.

Script

*Episode is about Dororo’s wedding plans getting ruined by Keroro getting sick*

Dororo: *Clutching papers* I’ve been waiting for this day all my life. Went from “okay”…to “fair”…to HUSBAND!

Tamama: I’M SO EXCITED I’VE NEVER BEEN TO A WEDDING BEFORE, SARGE! Fucking hint.

Keroro: Mmhmm…

Giroro: *Choked up in arm* I’m so nervous, I’ve dreamed of this since I was a little girl!

Keroro: Mmmm… Little what…? I now choose to be a part of this conversation…

Giroro: Oh, no you don’t. You’re staying out of this so you don’t ruin everything.

Keroro: Hey, I wouldn’t dream of it. I’m super fuckin happy for you… You can only imagine the joy I feel. It feels… lumpy and sore…

*Platoon sits in silence*

Giroro: Dororo…did you… *gasp* for me…?! OH BABY!

*Keroro’s eyes widen, pupils shrink*

Keroro: Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning…I…like…youaaaaaaaagh… *falls*

Natsumi: Good god, are you okay?

Keroro: Kiss me ‘till I’m drunk.

Natsumi: Okay, if wiping one glass is too much for you today, you need to go to bed.

Keroro: ALRIGHT! But you’re meeting me at makeout point!

Natsumi: Hmm...hope he’s not sick. ‘Cause if he is... I might...have...Oh god...*Starts hyperventilating*

Fuyuki: Guess what Sarge! I no longer believe in god! AGH!

Raiden: Raiden likes this status!

Keroro: *Singing “Time of My Life” while drowning*

Raiden: ...Uh oh, buzzkill!

*Transition to Keroro in bed*

Keroro: Ugh...Hun...Fuyuki...

Fuyuki: We’re here Sarge...

Keroro: Fuyuki...I must sing at the wedding...

Fuyuki: What do you guys think he’s suffering from?

Giroro: Being a whiner. You know, this was supposed to get him out of the way, not make him the center of fucking attention!

Kululu: Don’t look at me. I only gave him one of Dororo’s cold viruses.

Keroro: Tamama, report in.

Tamama: I’m here, Sarge.

Keroro: Come in, Hun. Opening cargo bay doors. Keroro love fighters, commencing attack. Engage. Brace for impact. Pew pew pew. The hatches are open.

*Loud crashing, Tamama sobbing uncontrollably*

Giroro: Everyone out of the room. NOW! *Knocks on door* Wait, where the hell...Damnit, Natsumi! Oh god, tie him down!

*Cuts to Aki at work*

Aki: *On phone* Look Giroro, I understand sending out invitations and everything, but why is “Keroro’s death” in a bigger font than everything else?

Giroro: *Mumbling over phone*

Aki: The wedding isn’t even mentioned on the front of the invite. It’s written on the back in Wingdings.

Giroro: *Mumbling*

Aki: I see. Well, try not to speed up the process before I get home, will you? *Puts down phone* I think I can fix this.

*Cut to Fuyuki holding toy box*

Fuyuki: Hey Sarge, I got that thing you asked me to get in my imagination!

*Keroro has cloth on face*

Fuyuki: Oooooh…

Keroro: *Loud cough*

Fuyuki: HUH?!

Keroro: *Loud breath* Well now that I’ve practiced for my autopsy. Oh hey Fuyuki. Sorry I peed on your sister’s dream carpet. Ugh…

Kululu: He’s been in the last stages of the illness. ALL. DAMN. DAY.

Keroro: Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, and a fat one. Mary had a little lamb, and then I stole her car.

Fuyuki: Come on, Kululu, there has to be something we can do! Did you call Pururu?

Giroro: *Trying to change subject* No! No! Look, get over it, Keroro's dead, I bought this wedding gift for Dororo, it's tacky and oddly shaped, guess what it is, wrong, it's a table. A smaaallll table.

Keroro: Giroro love, what five words would you use to describe me?

Giroro: Burning and can’t handle corn. Dororo, come down from the ceiling. Let’s go out for a drink or something.

Kululu: You know, I’m surprised you and Dororo are even a couple.

Dororo: Are you kidding?

Giroro: We’ve been fucking behind your backs for months.

Fuyuki: Guys, Keroro’s dying!

Giroro: Don’t try to cheer me up! We’re talking here!

Keroro: Oh my god, Giroro. Wait until you find out your brother’s coming to take over and kill us all!

Giroro: …Huh…? WHAT?!

Keroro: HQ’s sending his platoon to Earth. But bad news, he’s not gonna make it to Christmas. You’re gonna be so shocked.

Giroro: You motherfucker if you don’t stop dying, I’m gonna kill you! Why didn’t you tell me this before!?

Keroro: UuuuUUUuuuUUUuuuuUUuuuuUUUuuuhh…

*Cuts to Aki arriving home*

Giroro: *Muffled screaming*

Aki: I’m hooome! How’s he holding up?

Natsumi: *Sad* Hmm…

Aki: *To self* Wow, if you’re sad about it… *Upbeat* Don’t worry, honey, I got it taken care of!

Keroro:… I’m your uncle and I heard what you said. And Giroro…well, you already know.

*Door opens*

Keroro: Oh yeah, Natsumi! Fuyuki has something to tell you.

Aki: And I have something for you!

Keroro: *Flat* About time. Flash ‘em, woman!

Aki: Here, Keroro. Take a bite of this!

Keroro: Huh? *Crunch* Hmm, mmhmm *starts bleeding* mmaaaaAAAAAAAAGH!

Aki: It’s called a “bleeding”! That’s how they treated the black plague!

Keroro: Why did you think this would help?!

Giroro: Wow. Even with my wedding day ruined and my brother coming to kill me, this is still the best day of my life.

*Cut to Fuyuki holding Keroro*

Fuyuki: Are you feeling better now, Sarge?

Keroro: *Delirious* I feel great, Natsumi!

Natsumi: So what was wrong with him, anyway?

Dororo: We only gave him a cold virus…

Aki: Maybe he had a condition that made it worse?

Keroro: Oh yeah, I get really sick without any penetration.

*Shot of Giroro, Tamama, and Dororo looking exasperated*

Giroro: AAAGHGH…AAAGHGHGH…

Dororo: That’s what happens when you miss a day?

Keroro: Yep! So we can all blame this on Tamama. Way to go.

*Pause*

Keroro: Now go get married so I can fuck off.

*Credits*

*Post-Credits 1*

Keroro: Everyone, with my last few minutes remaining, I’d like to reveal a few things before I pass. Mois, I forget you’re here sometimes. Tamama, you actually are pregnant. Kululu, I glued those glasses to your face. Dororo, I bought your little brother. Fuyuki, I’m your uncle and I heard what you said. And Giroro…well, you already know.

*Post-Credits 2*

*Kululu HEGHs the wedding march*

Kululu: We are gathered here today because we sorta live here. So, yay! Let’s get the marriage thing over with. Do you, Giroro, take Dororo to be your husband?

Giroro: *Hyperventilating* HEEEGH…HEEGH…HEYEEEEEGH…

Kululu: *Sharp inhale* Uh-huh. And Dororo, do you copypaste.

Dororo: I do.

Kululu: I now pronounce you “people married”. You may now suck face.

Giroro: *Violently sucking in air*

Kululu: Uhh…now that you’ve had your practice run, try putting your mouth on his.

Dororo: *Sweet* I’ll do it, love.

*Smooch*

Giroro: Oh! That was easy.

Kululu: The new husbands shall now share their poems they wrote for each other. Dororo, you can go first.

Dororo: Touch my toes. Then I cry at night.

*Silence*

Dororo: Sorry. I was going to finish it but I started crying…

Kululu: Uh, don’t worry about it… Giroro, let’s hear yours now.

Giroro: Ahem… Roses are red. Roses are red. Roses are. Roses.

Kululu: *Sigh*

Giroro: A clown will not basement and throw me in the bite me.

Kululu: Thank you, Giroro! Thank you. We’re…just shut the fuck up.

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