|Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 12|
Main episode article
Kululu: *Tired, frustrated, desperate and breathing heavily* Hhhggghhh… six months… left to die in a box… and all of a sudden… everyone forgets I’m here… Well that’s fine… we’re all gonna be killed anyway… Damnit… I’ve wasted my life working for these idiots…
*Gets louder and dramatic*
Kululu: And I’ve had it, Keroro! I’m not taking this shit anymore!
Giroro: STOP TOUCHING MY ASS!
*Shows Giroro holding Keroro by the neck*
Keroro, Giroro: Wait, what?
Giroro: *Points* How long has Kululu been here?!
*Cuts to Kululu putting things into backpack*
Keroro: No way, Kululu! As leader of the Keroro Platoon, I command you not to leave!
Kululu: Did you just give an order?
Keroro: Why you little-! *Tantrum* Look, if you leave you’re gonna grow an evil moustache and our progress will be for nothing!
Kululu: What progress?
Keroro: There you go again!!!
Kululu: Oh cool it, Keroro. You make it sound like I’m out to get you or someth-
*cut to Kululu tied up and hanging from ceiling*
Okay you guys are fucked up.
Keroro: *Turns to Pururu* What do you think, Doctor?
Pururu: I think your platoon is addicted to rope.
Dororo: Even though I was there when it happened, I feel we should respect Kululu’s wishes, Keroro. He’s earned the right to be angry.
Tamama: You have ADHD, you sleep around, you’re not as good in bed as you think you are, and you smell like a doorstop.
Keroro: What the fuck, Tamama?!
Tamama: Isn’t this an intervention?
Keroro: For Kululu! Mine was yesterday!
Tamama: Oh, Kululu! Ummm, stop staring at my lotion?
Giroro: Look Keroro, if Kululu sticks around he’s only going to hate you even more. It’s probably the better idea to let him go.
Pururu: If anything, we could let him rest somewhere and cool off. Do you know anyone who gets ignored a lot?
Keroro: Aha! *Smarmy* We’re gonna send you on a little vacation!
*Cut to Momoka*
Keroro: Look who wanted to see his favorite…water park!
Momoka: *Uneasy* Hmm…
*Turns to Paul*
Paul: NNNOPE! *Explosion in the distance*
Momoka: *Nervous* I don’t know, guys. We’re kinda busy *getting angry* repairing my room!
Keroro: *Nasally* But if you take him in, we’ll give you some coupoooons!
Momoka: *Gasp!* Fuyuki coupons!!! *Steady build-up* He’ll clean my ears, he’ll talk in them, we’ll eat together, we’ll brush our teeth and he’ll scream me to sleep – I’LL TAKE IT!
*Cuts to Kululu lounging in chair*
George Albert Nishizawa: *Pissed off on phone* Well shoot his fucking blimps! And fire that idiot you put in charge of the commercial- He sounds like he was dying! And who the hell listens to radio anymore!
Kululu: Heh, heh…coupoooons!
*Cuts to Momoka*
Momoka: Daddy, Kululu has some really great ideas for your business!
George: *Takes off glasses* Name one.
Kululu: *Dramatic* Expiration dates.
*Pause, cut to plane*
George: I don’t know who this “Stephen Morrissey” fellow is, but he’s going to make us lots of money!
George: Gentlemen, as you can see… they’re pissing on us. But I’ve got a man who will save this business! A man who flush their business right into the ground! Please welcome… Mr. K.
*Paul walks up*
Stockholder: Oh god, the butler. Oh god oh god oh god!
Kululu: *Dramatic* Hello, my friends!
People: *Bored* Hiii, Mr. Kayyyyy…
Kululu: Shall we get started?
*Cuts to Dororo watching a video*
Keroro: Hey, do you have any DVDs that aren’t as depressing as you?
Dororo: I have this one my dad made for me.
Keroro: What’s it about?
Dororo: My dad. Sitting around for 16 hours.
Keroro: That’s a “no”.
Dororo: He told me if I watched all 16 hours he’d come back.
*Cuts to Keroro walking through Kululu’s lab*
Keroro: *To himself* Well now that Kululu’s not here, let’s see what I can steal. Ooh, what’s this? “DVD, Don’t watch” *Gasp!* There’s no rating! *Sinister* Awww yeah…
*Cuts to him sitting on the chair*
Keroro: Alright. Play, sit, naughtyyyy… *Hums Courage music as video starts*
Kululu: *Voice over* This is my movie. This is my kanji. This is my static.
Keroro: Oh what the hell! Agh, *eating popcorn, speaking gibberish* What kind of fucking idiot has a DVD with nothing on it-
*Tiger Horse turns, Keroro stands in silence*
Tiger Horse: KEEEEEY LIME P-
Keroro: AAAGH! *Closes door* What the hell was that?! Egh…
*Slowly opens door again*
Tiger Horse: PIIIIIIE-
Keroro: *Worried sounds* *Closes door, holds sinuses* Kululu, when you get back from quitting you’re so fired.
Fuyuki: Hey Sarge!
Keroro: AAGH! I’m allergic to Limes-! Oh Fuyuki, thank god!
Fuyuki: I don’t scare you that much, do I Sarge?
Keroro: Well… wait a minute, didn’t you see a weird spider-cat outside?
Fuyuki: Look, if you’re gonna start singing, this friendship is over.
*Keroro opens the door*
Tiger Horse: Jesus loves the little chiiiil- *door’s shut*
Keroro and Fuyuki: *Gasping*
Natsumi: *Opens door, pissy* Hey Keroro, I’m bored. Make me angry at you.
Keroro and Fuyuki: *Inverted breathing, open door*
Tiger horse: All the *muffled* chilbrrhrrbrr… *closes door*
Natsumi: You better have an explanation for that…
Tamama: *Wanders in* Hey guys! I brought you all cookies, but then I didn’t. It’s kind of a long story. So here’s a tray, I guess!
Tiger Horse: Little girls. Little girls. *Door closes again*
Natsumi: *Angry* As I was saying-!
Keroro: Blame Kululu! He told me not to do something! Kind of a stupid move if you think about it.
*Cuts to Kululu and Paul*
Paul: *Slides in* Word from the stockholders is that your contributions have been most lucrative, sir.
Kululu: *Sinister* Of course. This is Japan, and you don’t sell female urinals? Those idiots were begging to be bought out.
Paul: If we continue at this rate, the Nishizawa Corporation will be the leading economic power in the world.
Kululu: *Happy* It’s a wonderful day! Begin the daily puppy torching!
Paul: At once, sir. *cough*
*A fiery blast is heard*
Paul: Do you think we should be using a different animal?
Kululu: *Apathetic* Eh, make it a kitten next time. Who cares?
*Cuts back to Keroro’s room*
Fuyuki: I think I’ve figured it out. Maybe that thing only shows up after the door is closed.
Natsumi: In that case, as long as the next person keeps the door open- Goddamnit, Mois!
Dororo: Hey guys! *Pause* What’s going on-?
Keroro: URGH! Anyway, where were we?
Fuyuki: Maybe if we can contact Giroro, he can open it.
Keroro: Uh, I agree Fuyuki, but you’re pointing at a post-… uuuuugh…
*Starts using Morse code*
Keroro: *Serious Keroro* Calling Mr. Lady. Why did the schoolgirl go to school? Copy. Why did the schoolgirl go to school?
Giroro: I’m sure you love your little code, but you could just tell me what you want, you spaz.
Keroro: *Sinister* You didn’t answer the joke. You know what happens to people who don’t answer my jokes. GO BE A HERO! *Throws Giroro*
*Crashing and snarling is heard*
Natsumi: *Pissed off* You – are – an asshole.
Keroro: He knew the risks when he took this job…Wait, hang on.
*Takes out DVD, crashing and snarling stops*
*Gunshot is heard*
Giroro: *Weak* And STAY DOWN!
*Cuts to everyone in the living room, applause over TV, kazoo campaign anthem plays*
Keroro: *Weary* Sgt Major Kululu? More like…Nice suit, Faggot!
*Applause, camera pans up to Kululu*
Kululu: *Rousing* Greetings, leaders of the world! *Steady note* Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeegh…
*Everyone starts doing it in harmony*
Kululu: Ahhh. Always wanted to do that. I quit! Peace, fuckers!
*Kazoo jingle, cut to everyone in living room looking shocked*
Dororo: Oh sorry, I sneezed. What’d I miss? It was a long fucking sneeze. Ha-ha! *Inhales* I don’t have a nose…
*Credits played with kazoos*
*Post-Credits 1- Kululu hanging up poster*
Kululu: *Casual* Yeah, so I decided to collapse a major industry. I just got bored working there. Plus Paul had a cold and kept launching trees into my room. *Wanders off* But man, I’m tired; I need to check my stocks and stare at people.
*Post-Credits 2- HQ*
HQ: The platoon’s reports are in. Looks like they’re in need of a bit of backup in case things go awry. *Calling out* Let’s get that bioweapon sent out by O-800 hours! It may just be a prototype, but it should be more than enough for our little idiots. And somebody fix the coffee machine! I think it’s making me blind.