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Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 12 (script)

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Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 12

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Sgt Frog Abridged - Episode 12

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Episode 13

The following is unedited from the original document except for formatting. Lines may have been rewritten during recording and/or editing.

Script

Kululu: *Tired, frustrated, desperate and breathing heavily* Hhhggghhh… six months… left to die in a box… and all of a sudden… everyone forgets I’m here… Well that’s fine… we’re all gonna be killed anyway… Damnit… I’ve wasted my life working for these idiots…

*Gets louder and dramatic*

Kululu: And I’ve had it, Keroro! I’m not taking this shit anymore!

Giroro: STOP TOUCHING MY ASS!

*Shows Giroro holding Keroro by the neck*

Keroro, Giroro: Wait, what?

Giroro: *Points* How long has Kululu been here?!

*Cuts to Kululu putting things into backpack*

Keroro: No way, Kululu! As leader of the Keroro Platoon, I command you not to leave!

Kululu: Did you just give an order?

Keroro: Why you little-! *Tantrum* Look, if you leave you’re gonna grow an evil moustache and our progress will be for nothing!

Kululu: What progress?

Keroro: There you go again!!!

Kululu: Oh cool it, Keroro. You make it sound like I’m out to get you or someth-
*cut to Kululu tied up and hanging from ceiling*
Okay you guys are fucked up.

Keroro: *Turns to Pururu* What do you think, Doctor?

Pururu: I think your platoon is addicted to rope.

Dororo: Even though I was there when it happened, I feel we should respect Kululu’s wishes, Keroro. He’s earned the right to be angry.

Tamama: You have ADHD, you sleep around, you’re not as good in bed as you think you are, and you smell like a doorstop.

Keroro: What the fuck, Tamama?!

Tamama: Isn’t this an intervention?

Keroro: For Kululu! Mine was yesterday!

Tamama: Oh, Kululu! Ummm, stop staring at my lotion?

Giroro: Look Keroro, if Kululu sticks around he’s only going to hate you even more. It’s probably the better idea to let him go.

Pururu: If anything, we could let him rest somewhere and cool off. Do you know anyone who gets ignored a lot?

Keroro: Aha! *Smarmy* We’re gonna send you on a little vacation!

*Cut to Momoka*

Keroro: Look who wanted to see his favorite…water park!

Momoka: *Uneasy* Hmm…

*Turns to Paul*

Paul: NNNOPE! *Explosion in the distance*

Momoka: *Nervous* I don’t know, guys. We’re kinda busy *getting angry* repairing my room!

Keroro: *Nasally* But if you take him in, we’ll give you some coupoooons!

Momoka: *Gasp!* Fuyuki coupons!!! *Steady build-up* He’ll clean my ears, he’ll talk in them, we’ll eat together, we’ll brush our teeth and he’ll scream me to sleep – I’LL TAKE IT!

*Cuts to Kululu lounging in chair*

George Albert Nishizawa: *Pissed off on phone* Well shoot his fucking blimps! And fire that idiot you put in charge of the commercial- He sounds like he was dying! And who the hell listens to radio anymore!

Kululu: Heh, heh…coupoooons!

*Cuts to Momoka*

Momoka: Daddy, Kululu has some really great ideas for your business!

George: *Takes off glasses* Name one.

Kululu: *Dramatic* Expiration dates.

*Pause, cut to plane*

George: I don’t know who this “Stephen Morrissey” fellow is, but he’s going to make us lots of money!

*Meeting*

George: Gentlemen, as you can see… they’re pissing on us. But I’ve got a man who will save this business! A man who flush their business right into the ground! Please welcome… Mr. K.

*Paul walks up*

Stockholder: Oh god, the butler. Oh god oh god oh god!

Kululu: *Dramatic* Hello, my friends!

People: *Bored* Hiii, Mr. Kayyyyy…

Kululu: Shall we get started?

*Cuts to Dororo watching a video*

Keroro: Hey, do you have any DVDs that aren’t as depressing as you?

Dororo: I have this one my dad made for me.

Keroro: What’s it about?

Dororo: My dad. Sitting around for 16 hours.

Keroro: That’s a “no”.

*Walks out*

Dororo: He told me if I watched all 16 hours he’d come back.

*Cuts to Keroro walking through Kululu’s lab*

Keroro: *To himself* Well now that Kululu’s not here, let’s see what I can steal. Ooh, what’s this? “DVD, Don’t watch” *Gasp!* There’s no rating! *Sinister* Awww yeah…

*Cuts to him sitting on the chair*

Keroro: Alright. Play, sit, naughtyyyy… *Hums Courage music as video starts*

Kululu: *Voice over* This is my movie. This is my kanji. This is my static.

*Static*

Keroro: Oh what the hell! Agh, *eating popcorn, speaking gibberish* What kind of fucking idiot has a DVD with nothing on it-

*Tiger Horse turns, Keroro stands in silence*

Tiger Horse: KEEEEEY LIME P-

Keroro: AAAGH! *Closes door* What the hell was that?! Egh…

*Slowly opens door again*

Tiger Horse: PIIIIIIE-

Keroro: *Worried sounds* *Closes door, holds sinuses* Kululu, when you get back from quitting you’re so fired.

Fuyuki: Hey Sarge!

Keroro: AAGH! I’m allergic to Limes-! Oh Fuyuki, thank god!

Fuyuki: I don’t scare you that much, do I Sarge?

Keroro: Well… wait a minute, didn’t you see a weird spider-cat outside?

Fuyuki: Look, if you’re gonna start singing, this friendship is over.

*Keroro opens the door*

Tiger Horse: Jesus loves the little chiiiil- *door’s shut*

Keroro and Fuyuki: *Gasping*

Natsumi: *Opens door, pissy* Hey Keroro, I’m bored. Make me angry at you.

Keroro and Fuyuki: *Inverted breathing, open door*

Tiger horse: All the *muffled* chilbrrhrrbrr… *closes door*

Everyone: *Sighs*

Natsumi: You better have an explanation for that…

Tamama: *Wanders in* Hey guys! I brought you all cookies, but then I didn’t. It’s kind of a long story. So here’s a tray, I guess!

Tiger Horse: Little girls. Little girls. *Door closes again*

Natsumi: *Angry* As I was saying-!

Keroro: Blame Kululu! He told me not to do something! Kind of a stupid move if you think about it.

*Cuts to Kululu and Paul*

Paul: *Slides in* Word from the stockholders is that your contributions have been most lucrative, sir.

Kululu: *Sinister* Of course. This is Japan, and you don’t sell female urinals? Those idiots were begging to be bought out.

Paul: If we continue at this rate, the Nishizawa Corporation will be the leading economic power in the world.

Kululu: *Happy* It’s a wonderful day! Begin the daily puppy torching!

Paul: At once, sir. *cough*

*A fiery blast is heard*

Paul: Do you think we should be using a different animal?

Kululu: *Apathetic* Eh, make it a kitten next time. Who cares?

*Cuts back to Keroro’s room*

Fuyuki: I think I’ve figured it out. Maybe that thing only shows up after the door is closed.

Natsumi: In that case, as long as the next person keeps the door open- Goddamnit, Mois!

Dororo: Hey guys! *Pause* What’s going on-?

Keroro: URGH! Anyway, where were we?

Fuyuki: Maybe if we can contact Giroro, he can open it.

Keroro: Uh, I agree Fuyuki, but you’re pointing at a post-… uuuuugh…

*Starts using Morse code*

Keroro: *Serious Keroro* Calling Mr. Lady. Why did the schoolgirl go to school? Copy. Why did the schoolgirl go to school?

Giroro: I’m sure you love your little code, but you could just tell me what you want, you spaz.

Keroro: *Sinister* You didn’t answer the joke. You know what happens to people who don’t answer my jokes. GO BE A HERO! *Throws Giroro*

*Crashing and snarling is heard*

Natsumi: *Pissed off* You – are – an asshole.

Keroro: He knew the risks when he took this job…Wait, hang on.

*Takes out DVD, crashing and snarling stops*

Everyone: …Wow...

*Gunshot is heard*

Giroro: *Weak* And STAY DOWN!

*Cuts to everyone in the living room, applause over TV, kazoo campaign anthem plays*

Keroro: *Weary* Sgt Major Kululu? More like…Nice suit, Faggot!

*Applause, camera pans up to Kululu*

Kululu: *Rousing* Greetings, leaders of the world! *Steady note* Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeegh…

*Everyone starts doing it in harmony*

Kululu: Ahhh. Always wanted to do that. I quit! Peace, fuckers!

*Kazoo jingle, cut to everyone in living room looking shocked*

Dororo: Oh sorry, I sneezed. What’d I miss? It was a long fucking sneeze. Ha-ha! *Inhales* I don’t have a nose…

*Credits played with kazoos*

*Post-Credits 1- Kululu hanging up poster*

Kululu: *Casual* Yeah, so I decided to collapse a major industry. I just got bored working there. Plus Paul had a cold and kept launching trees into my room. *Wanders off* But man, I’m tired; I need to check my stocks and stare at people.

*Post-Credits 2- HQ*

HQ: The platoon’s reports are in. Looks like they’re in need of a bit of backup in case things go awry. *Calling out* Let’s get that bioweapon sent out by O-800 hours! It may just be a prototype, but it should be more than enough for our little idiots. And somebody fix the coffee machine! I think it’s making me blind.

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