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The following is unedited from the original document except for formatting. Lines may have been rewritten during recording and/or editing.
Script
Keroro: *Campy* Welcome back to a living planet Earth!
Mois, Kululu, Keroro, Tamama, Dororo, Giroro: Yaaaaay!
Keroro: Well done to Kululu for bending time in a way that terrifies me.
Kululu: Only way to do it.
Tamama: Unnaturally and against God’s will.
*Footage is on a screen in the base, pan out to show Keroro and the platoon*
Keroro: And as much as I try to not like tooting my own horn-
Giroro and Dororo: AHEM
Keroro: *Building up* …A round of applause for MY BROS!
Kululu, Mois, Tamama: Yaaaaay!
Giroro: Oh my god, stop calling us that.
Keroro: You gotta give me credit though. I handled HQ pretty well.
Giroro: You only had to not do whatever you did last time.
Keroro: Yeah, but still…
Mois: *Raises hand* Um, Uncle? Uncle?
Keroro: Yyyes Mois?
Mois: What the butt are you talking about?
Kululu: *Deadpan* Oh yeah. We’re the only ones who know what happened.
Dororo: You never did tell me what happened with you guys.
Keroro: Well…lemme see if I can remember…
Giroro: Okay relax…YES! I have conquered it!
*Pitch black*
HQ: Yyyyyyyeah? Can I help you?
*Light flashes, a groggy Keroro comes into view*
Keroro: *Groggily, slurring* Ai…*Loud* Yeah, uh, somethin’… Uh… a roof? Somethin’ ‘bout a roof?
HQ: *Deadpan* …There is a hole in the roof, yeah.
Keroro: And something about paint? I think I need paint.
HQ: *Deadpan* I’m not actually going to help you; that was sarcasm.
Keroro: Or a bucket. Gonna hurl. Don’t wanna get it on your clothes…
HQ: Keroro, if you’re trying to distract me, you’re doing very well, -
Keroro: *Blinks, focuses* Huh?!
*Zooms out to Keroro confronting HQ*
HQ: -But I’m so ready to be done with you, I can’t even enjoy seeing you with brain damage. So let’s just go back to my Kiruru’s killing you, that way I can make up for all the time I wasted not killing you.
Keroro: *Thinking, intense* Okay. HQ’s in front of me, and there’s a hole in the roof. That means…
*Cut to Kilili squeezing against the ceiling*
Giroro: *Crushing* KULULU I WILL ABORT YOUR SOUL!!!
*Cut back*
Keroro: Oh yeeeah, and what came after that-?
*Kilili discharge*
Keroro: AAAAAGH!!!
HQ: *Depressed* …Keroro…?
Keroro: Yeah…?
HQ: …The coffee stunk today…
Keroro: …That bites?
HQ: And that made me really sad…
Keroro: *Increasingly agitated* Oh. OH. SOMEBODY THINKS THEY GOT PROBLEMS.
HQ: *Meekly* …Huh…?
Keroro: *Angry and yelling* Let me tell you about my day! Not only did I find out the guy who fucked me up for life is the guy I fucked up for life, and therefore we’re cool which is REALLY NICE OF ME, apparently I also killed everyone we know. Just by existing! And now I gotta fix it, and I’m a little too concussed to remember how!
*Flashback, dollar store*
Kululu: *Up close, authoritative* So here’s what I’m thinking. Two big things need to be fixed. One – Keroro: …don’t kill everyone.
Keroro: *Very slightly sarcastic* You make it sound so easy.
Kululu: We stopped getting transmissions just after Kilili.
Keroro: The admiral did mention he was really sad about something.
Kululu: There it is. You made him suicidal.
Keroro: *Sarcastic deadpan* Greeeat.
Dororo: Yeah Keroro. How’s it feel? Not so funny, huh?
Kululu: Whatever you did, you can’t let him leave while he’s still under Kilili’s influence. Make him feel better, distract him, whatever. Just don’t make him even more depressed.
*Back to Keroro*
Keroro: *Sheepishly* Oh. Heh-heh. I guess… yelling at you… doesn’t help… Sure wish I could time travel to fix that.
HQ: *Building up to a sob*
*Flashback to Future Kululu*
Kululu: Two – Garuru had control of the time lock, so he needs to shut it off before he leaves. Dororo, you can still kill him if you want.
Dororo: Wasn’t just me, you know!
Giroro: We’re not gonna kill him!
Dororo: No, of course not. Send me to before I attacked the ship. I’ve a kill count I need to correct.
*Bleach-out to Dororo*
Dororo: …-ant ninja… *Suddenly realizes* oh FUCK!
*Ninja star is heard flying off to the side, same building collapses*
Tororo: Look, Mr Triangle! That office is sinking!
Dororo: OH COME ON!
*Reverse clock-wipes to Keroro and HQ*
Keroro: Now take a siiip~
HQ: *Small slurp*
Keroro: Is that better~?
HQ: …Tastes like wood…
Keroro: What’d it taste like this morning?
HQ: *Matter-of-factly* Shitty coffee.
Keroro: …Is that an improvement…?
HQ: …You know it kind of is.
Keroro: Really...!
HQ: Yeah I hate coffee. Just, you know, drinking it was in the job description. *Slurps*
Keroro: I never would have known that.
HQ: Nah. *Jokingly but still casually* Heh, not with your job performance, you wouldn’t. Hah-hah-hah. Ahhhh.
Keroro: Hah-hah! Hah-hah. *Loses enthusiasm when he realizes HQ is right* Hnnnnn…
HQ: *Slightly shocked* Oh god. I’m enjoying talking to you.
Keroro: I’ve been getting that a lot lately!
*Bleach out*
Kululu: *Voiceover* In that case, Giroro, it’s up to you to get Garuru to unlock the planet.
Giroro: I know exactly where you should drop me.
*Fade in to Kilili*
Giroro: THAT WASN’T EVEN CLOSE!
*Cut to Kululu surrounded by Kirurus*
Giroro: *Over intercom* KULULU I WILL ABORT YOUR SOUL!!!
Kululu: *Devilishly/fake-innocently* Me? Whatever did I do, Giroro? Ha-ha-ha!
*Cut ahead to Keroro*
Keroro: So how you feeling now?
HQ: Honestly, pretty good. I almost forgot I was here to hate-murder you.
Keroro: *No pauses* Hah! What a card! Please don’t do that.
HQ: *Sigh* You know, I put you on this planet ‘cause you’re such an obnoxious, worthless ass. *Pause* What happened?
Keroro: …W-what do you mean?
HQ: You’re kind of not anymore.
Keroro: Oh, I, uh, had a rough talk with a friend.
HQ: You don’t say?
Keroro: *Softer, careful* Admiral, look. I did try to take over this planet. Thought I did pretty good considering how little I had to work with. I was just never really meant for the military.
HQ: You always struck me as more of a housecleaner.
Keroro: *Deadpan* That’s…pretty good actually.
HQ: Yep.
Keroro: All I’m saying is we did the best we could. And we like it here. But we don’t want to be enemies with our own people. And not being able to go home kinda sucks. So does living under constant threat of death. …I don’t really know what I’m getting at.
HQ: …You’re saying you want a second chance.
Keroro: …In a long-winded way, I guess. Yeah, we want a second chance.
HQ: Hm…You willing to work for it?
Keroro: *Flatly* Nooo. *Pause* I MEAN YES, YES WE ARE.
HQ: Then here. I’ve got an idea.
*Cut to Kilili flying off*
Keroro: *Dramatic* Admiral! Kilili! Fare thee well! And whatever you do, don’t tell everyone on Keron to kill themselves! *Pause* Oh, and call off Garuru- *to himself* crap.
Giroro: This is gonna be a long week.
*Bleach-out to the base*
Garuru: …just didn’t want to make you feel bad about all your faults. You have a lot of them.
Giroro: …Uh-huh.
Garuru: I mean you were crap in school, you live in a tent-
Giroro: Yeah, just turn off the time lock before you leave. *Pause* Also I love you.
*Tear appears in Garuru’s eye*
Garuru: *Emotional* SO PROUD…
Giroro: Ugh…
*Mothership drifts upward*
Taruru: How are we gonna tell HQ that we lost, Lieutenant?
Tororo: *Low, miserable* Looks like we don’t have to. Just got a message from them. The attack is off.
Garuru: When did they send that?
Tororo: About an hour ago.
Garuru: *Deadpan* Well I’m glad they let us know. That could have been incredibly embarrassing.
Zoruru: That Dororo kid was nice. I like him.
Garuru: He’s my brother-in-law, you know.
Zoruru: Oh!
*Cut to platoon in meeting room*
Keroro: And there you have it! Me, Kululu, my BRO, and my BRO-IN-LAW fixed everything!
Dororo: You have no idea how helpful I was!
Giroro: Alright, elephant in the room: what was HQ’s idea?
Keroro: *Silly and gleeful* Omahgod you’re gonna love this. As long as we continue the invasion, we’re no longer fugitives and we get our ranks back!
Giroro: *Pause, lip smack* As long as we what?
Keroro: Continue the invasion. We got our jobs back. More official this time. And less murder.
Dororo: So let me get this straight. We went back in time to unkill Garuru, unkill everyone else, and return everything to normal, so that we could go back to doing what we were stranded here for in the first place.
Giroro: You know, the thing we were done with.
Dororo: You know, the thing we did before we went back in time.
Keroro: …Preeetty clever, I say.
Giroro: *Gun cocks* Start running.
*Cut to outside house, gunfire*
Keroro: *Screaming* At least he doesn’t hate us anymore!
Giroro: That makes ONE OF US!
Keroro: AAAAAAAAAAAAGH! I’m the white lightning, motherf- AGH!
Kululu: So do you know what happened to that office downtown?
Dororo: *Sigh* Yes I do…
*Credits*
*Post-Credits 1 - Tamama*
Beetle Jesus: Tamama…Tamama…
Tamama: *Delirious* Oh, shut the fuck up! …Just every day with you, isn’t it?!
*Post-Credits 2*
Shurara: This doesn’t change anything.
Nuii: But sir, he must have had a-
Shurara: Keep your BUT to yourself! What the Keron military thinks is irrelevant! I have a score to settle with that bastard Sergeant, and it will not happen out of my court!
Nuii: …I understand, sir.
Shurara: Yes you do. …You’re… not… bowing…
*Raiden pops up*
Raiden: DUN…DUN…
*Snake also pops up*
Raiden and Snake: *Harmonizing* Duuuuuuuuun…