|Jetters Abridged - Episode 5|
Main episode article
*Shot 1 - drawn Shiro standing sad on a stoop holding a horribly drawn Missing poster of Mighty. Include two or three fadeable images of someone’s legs walking by.*
Shiro: Excuse me. I’m looking for someone.
*Shot 2 – Closeup of Shiro looking up at a stupid looking alien sadly*
Shiro: Sir, have you seen this man?
*Alien points behind Shiro*
Alien: Yes, he’s over there.
*Shot 3 – Blobby is across the street*
Shiro: Blobby! Have you seen my brother?
Blobby: Ugh uuuugh
*Panel 4 – It starts raining cobras, Shiro looks shocked and terrified, Napalm Death “Errors in the Signal” plays*
Shiro: OH NO!! COBRAS!!
*Shiro wakes up on his head*
Shiro: …LICK THE FROG, YOU SAID.
Shout: *In the other room, angry* WHY ARE THEY IN THE DISHWASHER!?
Shiro: A MEANS TO AN END!
*Bulge Bomb, Windows Pipe screensaver covers screen*
Mujoe: I got a virus!!!
*Fades in to Hige Hige Base*
Bagular: You fools! You foolish fools! Fooling around foolheartedly! I give you endless resources to find the rarest treasures of the universe, and you give me ostriches and tops?!
Mechadoc: We brought you an autographed Kenny G album.
Bagular: Even if it’s rare, it’s shit! Those Jetters keep getting in our way with their youthful energy and wacky circumstances. And you just keep falling over your big, pink, bulging-
Mujoe: Okay, it’s my cock! It’s not going anywhere!
Mechadoc: Please, Master Bagular, just one more chance. We won’t disappoint you this time.
Bagular: Oh, I made sure of that. *Increasingly drunk* I’ve hired a new and capable thief to the Bandits. A cool, robo space thief. Whose cold steel body holds a… ffffffffiereh rage.
Mujoe: Uh, sir, you’ve probably had enough-
*Pops in Kenny G*
Bagular: You know iss not so bad when you get used to it!
*Cut to Mujoe and Mechadoc in the bar*
Mujoe: Man what a ballbuster.
Mechadoc: Have you ever thought about just being the strong, silent type?
Mujoe: Father taught me to speak my mind- oh daddy!
Mechadoc: Mujoe, your father will never respect you until you get those Jetters out of the way. And you can’t do that if you never plan ahead.
Mujoe: Well it's just how I am! I push everything in at the last second, and sure it can be tight, and it certainly can be hairy, but-
Mujoe: I know! It’s just everywhere I go I get those little fucks on my tail.
Mechadoc: Then isn’t it obvious? You need to turn the tables on them completely.
Mujoe: Hmm. Well they are kids tables. Probably low to the ground anyway-
Mechadoc: Oh fucking- Just go find a treasure, I’ll come up with the idea, daddy will love you and I’ll get promoted- Deal?!
Mujoe: *Squee* Then he’ll take me to the Father-Son dance?
Mechadoc: You’ll be the belle of the ball!
Mujoe: Dude, stop talking about my cock.
*Cut to Shiro watching cat video, Tiny Tim playing*
Shiro: *Maniacal laughter* My brother’s dead! AHAHAHA! My life sucks too! AHAHAHAHA! Cat with a vacuum.
Shout: *In the other room* Shiro! Deal with your depression outside!
Shiro: *Winding down* Aaahh. Ahhh…
*Video disappears, Shiro lies back on his bed, music gets murky as Shiro has a flashback to Mighty*
Mighty: Shiro. Shiro. Hey Stupid, over here.
Shiro: *Sniff* Huh…?
Mighty: Shiro, it’s time I showed you the Thunder Bomb. By which I mean, I’m going to throw lightning at your face.
Shiro: You said we were gonna get ice cream!
Mighty: *Chuckling* I didn’t bring my wallet.
*Cut to Shout listening in from outside, Tiny Tim is still playing but muffled*
Shiro: *In his sleep* Mighty no! No! My face is on fire!
Louie: *Choking* Ru-…Ru-…
Shout: *Through the door* This might be a bad time, but I want my CD back.
*Cut to Shiro by a stream*
Shiro: *To himself* Damn Mighty. I’ll show you. I’ll show all of you! And especially I’ll show you!
Shiro: I don’t know who “Ru” is, but he’s next! Stand back, Louie! I don’t want to hurt myself when I throw this at you! Thunder bomb! *Pops up* Bomber-! *
*Cut to Planet Bomber, pop is heard, Shiro and Louie are staring at each other*
Shiro: Well it burnt, but it wasn’t lightning.
Shiro: Don’t bring him up!
*Door slides open, camera shifts to Grandma Bomber standing in doorway*
Shiro: …Can the best grandson ever have a-
*Door slams shut. Silence for a few seconds. Door opens again, a bag of hot cocoa mix hits him in the face*
Grandma: Eat up.
Shiro: *Quickly* Thank you.
*Cut to Shiro and Grandma sitting down*
Grandma: Kid, you need to give this up. Your brother was the best.
Shiro: At being an asshole.
Grandma: At least he was the best at something. You still only have one Bomber Star, don’t you?
Shiro: Mighty had one Bomber Star!
Grandma: Birdy ate all the others.
Shiro: *Crying* God I hate my job…!
Grandma: …What, you’re still with the Jetters?
Grandma: Then what are you doing back here?
Shiro: I tried learning the Thunder Bomb.
*Thunderclap in the distance*
Random bomber: Hey look at what I did on accident!
Shiro: Oh motherfucker…
Grandma: Uh-huh. Well…if you hate it so much, why haven’t you left?
Shiro: *Quietly* …I have to be better than him… I just have to…
Grandma: Well you have no talent, so you can’t.
Shiro: AAAAGH THUNDER BOMB!
*Cut to Shiro on the ground dazed, has a mustache*
Shiro: Wow, these powers are unpredictable.
*Cut to Shout looking at him on a bridge, loud thunderclap, “Errors in the Signal” starts playing again in the distance*
Shiro: OH NO MORE COBRAS! AAAAAAAAAGH!
*Shout stares, says nothing, drives away*
*Cut to the Jetters base, loud chewing is heard*
Ein: Attention Jetters! It's Emergency Code: Loudly Chewing Spaghetti!
Alarm: *Smack, smack, smack. Mouth full, blasé* I'm alarmed.
Sheriff: Hello! Jetters!
Ein: Yes! What can we do for you, paarrrdnerrr?
Sheriff: Sir, what are you insinuating?
Ein: Er, well I…
Sheriff: I didn’t pick the aesthetics here, pal. I find that very judgmental.
Ein: I mean, you’re a cowboy egg, and-
Bongo and Gangu: FOCUS!
Ein: Oh fine! What is it you need help with?
Sheriff: The Hige Hige Bandits are after my Sheriff’s badge! And possibly my six shooters. Oh shut up and help me.
*Cut to Cosmo Jetter launches*
Gangu and Bongo: *Harmonizing* Jetters awaaaaaay!
*Cut to Sheriff’s office*
Sheriff: You know, people can be terribly insensitive.
Mujoe: Yeah there are evil people out there. By the way I’m robbing you.
Sheriff: Maaan! That’s not cool.
Mujoe: Dude, when they get here, you better say you put up a fight with, like, guns or something. You’re makin’ me look lame!
Sheriff: You have the badge. Can’t you just leave?
Mujoe: Ohhhh nooo. This is only part A of my Alphabet Plan. You’d better B prepared. C? …Doc, this better work.
*Cut to Hige Hige Bandits’ base*
Mechadoc: *Laughing hysterically, cuts away in the middle of the long one*
Mujoe: Y’all better prepare yourselves, Jetters, ‘cause I will finally D-stroy you! *Maniacal laughter* E! A mouse! What the F?
*Cut to Jetters driving in the Land Jetter, distant shot sometimes gets repeated*
Shiro: Hey Shout!
Shiro: Really? I have a real question this time.
Shout: *Sigh* What.
Shiro: Did you ever see Mighty throw a Thunder Bomb? I’m trying to learn it and-
Shout: Wait, “Mighty?” Is that why you’re being so mopey? *Understanding, but firm* Look. You will never be better than your brother if you just try to copy him. His name is Mighty. He perfected his moves while covering one of his eyes.
Shiro: I just figure if I can do what he did, I can get better than him from there.
Shout: It’s gonna take a lot more than that, especially when you only have one- Birdy why are you driving in a circle?!
Birdy: You never told me where we’re going. You can only blame yourself.
*Cut to everyone standing in front of the Sheriff’s office*
Shout: This should be the place. *Deadpan, slightly annoyed* Anyone else notice how stupid we look?
Shiro: Can you believe this pole?!
Sheriff: Thank god you’re here!
Shout:*Thick southern drawl* Well HOWDY YAAAAALL.
Sheriff: You know what- fuck you, it’s a trap!
Mujoe: Ya damn right, G!
Shiro: Speaking of looking stupid.
Birdy: Speaking of poles.
Mujoe: SHUT UP!
Shout: *Calling out* You’ve got the badge already. What do you want with us?!
Mujoe: Oh, this ain’t the badge! It’s the only gold star I ever got in kindergarten. I brought it along to remind me of my success: SINGULAR!
Shiro: I’m a one-star Bomber. I feel ya.
Mujoe: NOTED AND APPRECIATED! It was the last time my father was ever proud of me. And that was the year he thought my name was Danny! But I will make him proud again! I challenge you to a duel, little man! Mono-y-mono!
Shout: Shiro, don’t let him egg you into a duel!
Sheriff: Look, just stick to the cowboy crap!
*Shiro has a brief flashback of Mighty*
Mighty: *Calm and fatherly* Remember, Shiro. If you ever get challenged to a duel, you’re going to lose ‘cause you suck. *Cheerful* I’m gonna go die now!
Shiro: Mighty, you’re a drunk fuck.
Mighty: But I’m your drunk fuck! *Starts fading out* Your drunk fuck! Your drunk fuck! Your drunk fuck…
*Fades in to Mujoe*
Mujoe: …Your drunk fuck. Your drunk fuck. Your drunk fuck. Your drunk fuck- anyway, are we gonna duel?
Shiro: I accept.
*Cut to the two facing off, Mujoe sitting in the robot ostrich*
Mujoe: We take 5 steps, then turn and fire. You with your bomb, me with my laser.
Shiro: And the fact that I’m already a Bomberman doesn’t mean anything to you?
Mujoe: HAAAaaa. HAAAAaaa. HAAAAAAAA-
Shiro: ALRIGHT! Fine! Let’s play your stupid game for stupid people.
*They turn, ominous music plays*
Shiro and Mujoe: One! …Two! …Three-
Mujoe: *Whips ostrich around* HA! I lied- whoa, too fast! *Hits ground, laser fires into building*
Housing Bomber: *Lame singing* I’m a bomb… Doo-doo-doooo-doo- …House.
Shiro: I hope you die.
*Max flies by and grabs the badge*
Birdy: It’s a missile! DUCK! No wait, it’s still a missile.
Shout: It’s a person!
Shiro: *Worried gasp*
*Max lands on building, theme plays, turns around*
Max: I have the biggest star of them all. Now you have something to aspire to.
Mujoe: Damnit, not another one!
Sheriff: That’s the real sheriff’s badge. The one I gave you was fake.
Mujoe: You what?! We went to college, you hole!
Housing Bomber: *Walking up* You look like Migh-tee. All my furniture just fell out.
Max: I hope you die.
*Cut to an outside-of-town shot, explosion*
Mujoe: Heych! I mean, hey! Who the hell are you?!
Max: I am Max. I’m the new member of the Hige Hige Bandits. Everyone likes me because I’m better than them. That was arrogant; I apologize.
Shiro: He’s just SO…! MAX! …I LIKE YOU! PLEASE GIVE BACK THE BADGE!
Max: You’re very polite, and clearly disturbed, but it’s mine now. HYPEEEER…!
Birdy: *”Yelling”* He’s on fire, aaaaaaaaagh!
Max: …Thunder bomb!
Shiro: *Shocked gasp* Brother…! *Gets shocked* AAAAAAAAAAGH!
Shout: *Very concerned* Shiro!
Max: Let this be a warning to all of the Jetters. I cannot be stopped. This universe is mine for the taking, and if this child would like to dispute that...I'll be waiting, Shiro...And stealing rare crap.
Shiro: *Panicking, blood red image of Mighty appears in his sight* That was… it… but…he’s…he can’t be…un- AHAAAGH-
*Birdy lands in the middle of nowhere*
Birdy: *Deadpan* Why did I do that…? Where am I?
*Credits – “Ghost Town” by Jebby*
*Birdy looking angry at the Sheriff, silence, cuts away after a few seconds*
Mujoe: I don't know about this other guy! He seems a tad jaded! How can anyone find this okay?!
Mechadoc: Mujoe, I was joking. You’re actually starting to freak me out.
Mujoe: I mean, he’s got that LMN-O surprise down. I gotta P. That’s my Q to leave. What R you looking at?
Mechadoc: AAAAAAA- *video ends*